you said it Elvis... you said it

This is one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. *sigh*

yes please.....

Whaaaaa? Matte black nail polish? Yes please! This stuff is sick, and apparently super hard to find. A lot of people make matte polish in navy and grey but if you know The Gen you already know how I feel about my black polish.
This company makes it and it looks pretty legit. So i'd like a couple of these in my stocking this year. Thanks.

go shawty

I also wanted to take a quick minute to say HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! To one of the hottest bitches ever and one of my bestie bests too! Veronica aka Kween Vee aka Divine! Happy birthday you old bitch. Then Gen loves ya!  XOXO

shit I learned this week....

Pretty much I didnt learn shit this week. What the fuck ever though cause I learned a whole bunch of shit the two weeks prior. I mean i'm sure I probably did learn something but it must not have been too important cause I can't remember it.
So instead, todays installment will just be some shit that i'm currently thinking. Here it goes. (yes a list, did you expect anything else?)

1. I use the word fuck quite liberally. I dont really care much, it's just a word. I feel like it adds that extra something to most of my sentences. I obviously dont use it at work (much) and use it sparingly around children.

2. Fuck yes the 3oh!3 concert is this weekend! I am beyond fucking stoked for this. Also Bun Blaze has secured something to assure she won't be hWhiskeyed the fuck out by the time they hit the stage! Good job Bun!

3. I hate Christmas shopping! I enjoy shopping in general but Christmas shopping is the fucking pits! I want to shoulder check everyone I pass in the mall. Everyone is getting fucking gift cards this year. You all better act fucking surprised and love them!

4. I pretty much accomplished nothing at work this week. I have severe ADD and shit fuck Adderall doesn't do shit except give me cotton mouth and cause me to make a bunch of lists of shit I need to do but never actually complete.

5. I will blog about whoever and whatever I fucking want! I will say what I want about you good or bad. We live in fucking America which means I have this right. If you don't like it fuck off and don't read my shit!

6. I love my family and really need to spend more time with them. Not like my boys, but like my parents and my brother and shit. They made me who I am and I feel like I need them around me more to keep me grounded.

7. I need some new clothes. None of my shit fits me! I am not complaining, this is an excellent problem to have, as I have officially lost 25 pounds! I never really thought I was extra fat, just.... well voluptuous. Which is pretty much what fat girls say to make themselves feel better. So yeah I was fat. This was confirmed as I was looking at pics of myself from this summer...yuck! Someone shoulda took my fat ass to intervention. When I hit the big 30 I guess I had some sort of crisis where I cut all my hair off and went on a diet! Glad I did, cause I feel like a motherfucking million bucks!

8. This entire blog sounded pretty negative huh? Don't get the wrong idea, i'm in an amazing mood today. It's Friday and I ain't got shit to do. Today is a half day of work then a Christmas Party, and by party I mean sober luncheon. I wish Bun, Ebs, Vero, TA or Rae were here to endure this tortureous event with me.... but alas they are all fucking quitters!

Side note for my readers: Thank you for reading my shit, I hope it can bring you some sort of laughter or entertainment from time to time. I know I can often times be offensive and vulgar. So if I have ever offended you in any way.... well I pretty much don't fucking care.
xoxo The Gen


next year....

I'm totally doing this next year! And by I’m, I obviously mean Dead AJ. Dude in Cali turned his entire house into a ginormous game of Guitar Hero. How super sick is this? I'm pretty sure it would get old real fast but its extra cool nonetheless.
We suck at outdoor lights, we just have a couple of those little trees in pots with a few lights on them. As much as I love Christmas lights they're kind of a pain to put up.
But next year we're going all Clark Griswold on these burb motherfuckers. Next year....

ima need to cop one of these

Oh George Lopez, you are one hilarious motherfucker!

I like to laugh sometimes....

Sometimes I think shit is funny thats not really funny to other people. Mostly I don't give a feck.....
Here are some of my all time fav commercials. These all make me laugh every single time I watch them.

White girls can be gangster too

It's true they can be. Take for example yesterdays 4:20 conversation with Bun Blaze. She proceeded to sing to me Einstein Tech N9ine, cuss words y todo! Not too bad for a white girl from the burbs. Oddly I felt like a proud mother on graduation day. I thought to myself "You've done a terrific job corrupting this bitch". Funny thing is I think she's known the lyrics to this song for quite some time.
She is still unable to send nasty text messages without consulting myself or Rachel first. And she can't fight to save her life. She does however know the meaning of "janky" and "gang bang" now. It's these small milestones that make my heart happy!
Here is another kinda gangser whitey. This kinda shit always makes me laugh. Yup you guessed it courtesy of JBun.

Which also reminded me of this one I saw a while back.

It's just funny to hear these bitches say things like "punk motherfucker" and "don't make me act a motherfucking fool"

Things I Learned this week...

1. Cold weather does something to the sex drive.
2. I don’t have as much shit to say as I used to.
3. Adding the word “mafia” makes pretty much anything hardcore i.e. mitten mafia, mustache mafia. You get the idea.
4. Sometimes 30 degrees can be warm
5. Icy parking lots and stilettos are a very bad combination.
6. You can truly rely on very very few people. Most people are full of shit most of the time.
7. I am completely addicted to social networking.
8. When you lose a lot of weight sometimes it makes your head look big…. Or maybe it’s just my hair.
9. I’m a terrible apologizer… terrible… sorry ha
10. I’m facing the reality that I may never again enjoy the savory sweet flavor of a pre FDA black. Sigh…
11. Badluck Bettie and I are apparently meant to be together. How does nobody want her? I don’t get it!
12. I find myself doing the same thing every day at exactly 4:20.
13. I didn't learn as much as I did last week
14. I learned how to change my name on facebook to The General! Best accomplishment ever!
15. 23 feels FUCKING AMAZING!

That’s all for now. I know I need to step my blog game up, sorry ya’ll. I’ll come with better shit soon I promise!

it's colder than a whore's heart outside!

I will attempt to put a positive spin on this fuck ass cold weather we've been having. Here are the pros.

1. Great excuse to buy new boots!
2. Everyone looks better with hard nipples.
3. When the news lady says "black ice" it sounds like she's saying "black guys" Look out for patches of black guys. Ha, this is funny to me!
4. Cuddling is more effective when it is below zero.
5. The fur people are extra angry this time of year and that always makes me chuckle.
6. I can wear sneakers to work and they wont tell me shit.
7. Mittens! who doesn't love mittens? Fuck you if you don't you're stupid.
8. Hot chocolate + liquor = LOVE
9. friction = heat.... haha yeeeeah!

Thats all I got. There's not too many positives to this shit. I'm just extra glad to have a warm bed to sleep in at night! I feel bad for all the homeless people and hookers out there.

just another manic monday

because its Monday and I hate Mondays.... I will make a list of things I heart. This will make me feel better.

♥ my mini
♥ dead aj
♥ my familia
♥ lip gloss
♥ stilettos
♥ Bunny and The General
♥ tattoos
♥ eyelashes
♥ big G and lower case g
♥ french kisses
♥ music
♥ wearing flowers in my hair
♥ hwhiskey
♥ whorebath
♥ genchel
♥ my mac book
♥ blogging and tweeting
♥ adderall
♥ summer time wine drinking and cigar smoking
♥ tights
♥ parties
♥ sauce
♥ dresses
♥ greasers
♥ badluck bettie
♥ La Loma with the besties
♥ Christmas lights
♥ concerts with bun blaze
♥ arroz con leche
♥ drinking ice cold water right after I brush my teeth
♥ Christmas tree snuggle time
♥ echo kisses
I heart a lot more, but this is all for now.

Things I Learned this week...

1. Dinner with friends is good for the soul.
2. Christmas lights make me feel extra happy on the inside!
3. Flipping someone off while wearing mittens is not very effective.
4. I text and drive MORE now that it’s illegal. I call it Drexting, which can also be used for drunk texting.
5. I like whispering too…
6. “Jamo” is a term used for Jameson hwhiskey… guess who taught me that one. Ha
7. I have a tremendous amount of split ends and I pick at them all day! I am in need of a haircut.
8. Apparently I’m so fresh, that people pretend to know and hang out with me. I can’t decide if I’m flattered or super sketched out.
9. New snow tires are legit. Kinda makes me wanna hang on to Badluck Bettie even though I know we don’t belong together anymore.
10. I gave $10 to a homeless man this morning. It was really cold and he had frost on his beard and no gloves. I shoulda gave him my mittens. But he wouldn’t have been able to flip anyone off. I’m never sure if the corner standing sign people are really homeless, but this guy looked legit… I mean legit like really homeless. Giving feels good.
11. I like to drink coke from a bottle. This means one of two things, I’m a lesbian or super traditional.
12. No matter how much love or perfume you put into a gift, it will not stop the recipient from throwing it away. SMH
13. Tequila + lack of sleep + adderall = a bad bad morning.
14. Elementary school performances aren’t what they used to be. Whatever happened to wearing a Christmas shirt and standing in rows singing Frosty the Snowman?
15. Interpretive dance done by 9 year olds scares me. Especially when creepy mannequin heads in bags are involved.
16. My mini is the most amazing kid on the planet. I’m extra extra lucky!
17. I like to put things in list form lately. I can assure you it’s the Adderall.

break it up, break it up, break it up....

So my babygirl Gia broke a growth plate in her wrist yesterday. I'm not really positive what a growth plate is.. but I’m pretty sure it’s just a plate full of growth. Anyways hers is broken. Hopefully when it gets put back together none of the growth will have spilled off of it.
Her mother tells me some little girl accidentally ran into G on the playground and knocked her down. Well I'm not buying it. I think there is a deeper conspiracy here. I think the little knocker downer (we'll call her "Bertha" on a count of that’s the ugliest name I could think of.) "Bertha" is obviously jealous of my baby's extraordinary wrist structure. Which is why she devised this evil scheme to knock down G break her growth wrist plate thingy, and cover it all up to look like an accident. I'm no fool "Bertha" I see right through you! I watch enough Law& Order, Cold Case Files, and CSI to know the truth.
I suggested we pay little "Bertha" a visit, to let her know exactly who she can and can't knock over. But my suggestion was denied on a count of "Bertha" is like 9. But I'm ok with that because you know what "Bertha's" plan back fired! Little G got the freshest most proper little cast i've ever seen put on her arm! And her wrist looks even more amazing now than it did before! Who's the dummy now "Bertha"?
So boys and girls the moral of today's story: Good mosdef always prevails over evil. On a side note if I ever encounter "Bertha" her little ass better hold on to her growth plates cause I’m into breaking dishes just for fun...

Here's Gia with her fresh new hardware! Sorry "Bertha" life sucks when you have ugly wrists. These are the breaks.

Pop Pop...

Well the Popular Lemonade Four Horseman party was pretty much fucking epic... as expected. The tees came out extra dope thanks to the madd motherfucking skills of The LARD boys and Filthe. So can I get a motherfuckin moment of silence for these super proper kids...
Miss Rachel: Ahh where do I start? Well first off this bitch is not only one of my best friends in the world, but shes super dope! Props for putting this whole thing together. The Denver scene def wouldnt be the same without her or Popular Lemonade.
LARD Boys: Trust. These dudes are extra good to say the least. Good friends, and heavy heavy hitters in the fashion game. Shouts for thier madd graphic design skills
Denver Frank: Ha my friend who can never be caught without a cold PBR in his hand! Thanks so much for all the hard work promoting this event, couldnt have dome it without you!
Filthe: Well he's pretty much familia at this point. I even have to buy him special burgers when he comes to my BBQs. He's even got my 9 year old rockin his shit! He tackled the huge job of printing all the tees, which believe is no small task! Big ups!
I had so much fucking fun! I could barely walk the next day. Mostly due to the fact I was forced to rock 5inch heels all night with no other options! Rachel got off easy rockin dunks all night HA! If you missed it well it pretty much sucks to be you, but if you're lucky we'll do it again.

Peep all the flix at Popular Lemonade, after all Lemonade was a popular drink... and it still is....

Heres a flick of the Four Horseman team minus Beto.... By the way we're
posted we are obviously on world takeover status.... obviously

She Wants Me...

Heres the new vid from the homies Chuck $teak$, Concept, and Pilot Touhill. It has it all drugs, chichis, and chicks dancing in panties. Not to mention the song itself is dooope as is pretty much everything outta the American Trash camp. Special shouts to Chuck Steezy aka my fav...
Disclaimer: This vid is extra uncensored so prob not one to watch at the office. Ya digg..

Dear Santa,

So my son wrote his letter to Santa this weekend. It is by far the sweetest thing I have ever read in my life! It made me cry a little. Just a little.
This is proof that not all kids are selfish little brats. My son is super legit, in my opinion he is the freshest kid on the planet.
I have a feeling Santa is goona hook it the fuck up this year. On a count of last year he failed to find a human size hamster ball, and also cause this little fucker deserves the world!

"Went to a party... I danced all night.... drank 16 beers and started up a fight."

Q: Ever feel like punching someones lights out?
A: Every fucking day...

I lean like a chola....

Dude Lopez Tonight is my new favorite show! I'm not fucking with Leno anymore. On last nights show he gave Sandra Bullock a chola makeover, shit was freakin hilarious. She was a good sport she got into character y todo. It was all bad.

Which then reminded me of this chola vid from a while back.

I love these bitches....... and I still draw on my eyebrows.. Y Que!?

What comes before part-B???

Part-A!!!!! Ghheeeyeah boi! Ya'll cant miss this one! This Saturday 11.28 at Shag! Popular Lemonade presents The Four Horsemen Collaboration. Shit will be dope for sure! Drink Specials, Dope DJ's (DJ LaZyEyez & DJ LowKey) and not to mention a free limited edition tee, from the sick minds of LARD, Whorebath, DenverFrank, & Filthe.
So be there of fuck off. Word...

Somedays I sit and wish I was a kid again...

Ohhhh color me all bad bud!(northside accent) This one takes me back to the days when we used to shop at Merry Go Round for 2 for $50 IOU sweatshirts. We'd rock em with our Nike Cortez' and a matching scrunchie. Then we'd roll to Elitches..... no, not Six Flags, Elitches the OG one on 38th. Most of the time we would end up getting in a fight and get kicked out only to return the next weekend ready for more. Gheeeah! Shouts to my girl Germania she's been my roll dog since Color me Badd days!
Man let me tell you, if I could go back I would. The most serious shit I had to worry about was getting the lines in my eyebrows straight. Pshhh

Tattoo time update...

New ink looks amazing.... duh! I got leopard spots on my arm, cause i'm a fan of them. They are just black, i'll post a pic when they heal up. They currently hurt and are a little red.
Next up on the list elbow spiderweb time cause its super BA and mostly I do what I want.

Tattoo time...

This weekend I will get fresh ink! My mother will hate it and I will love it. One step closer to completing my sleeve. It will be amazing and everyone will love it. Soon I will run away and join the circus with all my tattoos. Then I will not have to deal with the realities of life. Oh the thinks I can think up if only I try!

lord of the flies

Recently in our offices at work there has been a mysterious infestation of flies. No one knows where the fuck they are coming from. Not like hundreds but a good 10 or 15 a day. And they are those big, extra slow flies. I credit the new lady for this recent fly population increase on a count of she smells kinda funny.
The prez of the company,(you know the guy who gets paid a shit load of money and you're still not sure what the fuck he does)is obsessed with finding and killing all of the flies. So that’s what he does all day. He looks for them and swats them only to find that more have returned in their place. It's like those alien movies where you kill the thing and the alien corpse produces two more aliens. My office is down the hall from his and I can hear him talking about the flies all day(and by all day I mean from 11-4, those are his hours). Anyone who makes the mistake of calling into his office will hear about the flies for a good 15 minutes.
I almost feel like this is some sort of office prank just to see what'll happen. Like that time they shrink wrapped my entire desk. Or when we emptied the paper shredder on some dudes rollie chair so when he pulled it out the shreds of paper got all over.
So i'm anxious to see what the real story is behind this disgusting yet intriguing fly infestation. Stay tuned...
But like I said before.... probably the new lady.

ps. I thought flies only were around in the summer?

dirt naaaaasty

As a girl I probably shouldn't like this, but fuck it I can't help it. This dudes shit never gets old to me. He makes me giggle, plus he rolls with Andy Milonakis. This one's in my workout mix. Say something...

The moustache mafia...

Those of you that know Bunnny & The General, know of our obsession with moustaches. We think they are hilarious! We even contemplated getting moustache tattoos on our fingers, but decided against the idea. So in my search for a Christmas gag gift for my bestie I discovered that her and I are apparently not the only ones with this strange obsession. I found a shit ton of moustache paraphernalia on the webernet for purchase! I love every last fucking bit of it and want to buy it all up this very minute!

The moustache mirror decals$4.99. From Sprocket Box

The moustache salt & pepper shakers $24. They come apart at the center. From: PaperDoll Woodshop

The moustache drinking glasses $20. From Kimay

The giant moustache pillow. A necessity if you ask me. From Plush Butt $13

Moustache magnets $10.99. From Little Angels

Moustache cuff links $11.99. A must have for every mans wardrobe. From Little Angels

Moustache Party Pack $10.50. From Cannibal Crafts

The Moustache necklace $8.95. From RockaBella Boutique.

There's soooo much more than this it's crazy what people come up with these days. Apparently moustache parties are big now too. I guess it's just a party where everyone rocks a moustache? Sounds like a good time to me! Maybe that'll be my next theme part-a.......

PS. Mustache mafia por vida

Dear Bunnny....... I'm sorry

As I was driving to work this morning puffing on a Djarum black, (yes I was smoking because I fucking needed it today... don't judge me) I was thinking about my bestie Bunnny, and how she is now, thanks to me completely addicted to smoking.
It all started on one sunny lunch hour two years ago. I suggested that she try some of my cigarette, she'd never smoked before so she did that thing where she didn't inhale and just blew it out. So I proceeded to teach her how to inhale. Her life has never been the same since. After this day we managed to purchase every flavor of cigar and cigarette at the Smoker Friendly shop. We even tried smoking straight up indian tobacco and smoked it out of a pipe like Sherlock Holmes. Side note: Don't ever try that shit it's fucking disgusting, I don't know how Hef handles that mess. So after sampling all of the varieties the tobacco store had to offer, we settled on Djarum blacks a delicious clove cigarette. Which also happens to be where the idea for the black whorebath cig came to life (yes people there is meaning behind the logo)
Recently the government passed a law to ban flavored tobacco which included our precious Djarums. Side note: Dear government please concentrate on the important shit that our country has going on and keep your meddling ass off my flavored cigs. Thanks. So while they still sell blacks they are not nearly as delicious as they were before, which I guess is prob better cause i'm less likely to smoke as much (unless its warped tour all day concert rock hands time). Bunny on the other hand has been on a constant search to find a cancer stick as fulfilling as our beloved blacks.
So to my dear sweet Bunnny as I watch you in your everyday struggle, I want you to know how truly sorry I am to have hooked you on such a deadly and delicious substance. I know you would have been just fine with the whiskey/cocaine addiction that you already had. (joke...kinda) "haha my word will be WHiskey"
Here's to us Bun and our sick addictions, of which cigarettes are the least damaging to our overall well being...

Please note that I am not attempting to glamorize smoking in anyway. That shit is bad for you and will fucking kill you. Word

because this is funny to me....

this is for Rach, she's the grammar police...

I want this today. I want to be somewhere else... laughing

Oh Maybelline.... you whore

Drug Lord Theme Park??

Forget Cancun or Hawaii, our next family vacation will be to the South American Jungle!
It's official the late Pablo Ecobar, the most powerful drug lord of all time has his own theme park. Developers have turned his former residence in the South American Jungle into a theme park in his honor. The park includes a bull fighting ring, concrete dinosaurs a zoo, and his untouched bullet-ridden villa where he was killed by police in 1993. The walls of his mansion are decorated with Escobars wanted posters and news articles. There is even a huge framed picture of Escobars body just after he was killed by police... Classy! The entrance to park is adorned with the actual plane used to smuggle drugs into the United States.
Escobar was once the 10th richest man in the world selling over 80% of the worlds cocaine. He apparently used his money to build this "Neverland" of sorts. Dude was a bad ass for sure, he is rumored to have killed over 4,000 people including police officials and presidential candidates.
Even from beyond the grave he is still ballin. And they say crime doesn't pay! Pshhh

Come on Christmas Bonus!

So, I am patiently awaiting my Holiday bonus this year (if I get one that is) Now I know its supposed to go toward buying gifts... but I see no harm in a few small self splurges. Here is whats on my far that is.

The blood puddle pillow, cause I think its fucking cool and I'm morbid like that.

This knuckle duster ring from Alexander McQueen. It also comes as a clutch for the low low price of $1,100

These extra bad ass finger moustache gloves. Me and Bunnny will rock the shit outta these gloves.

This neck collar from Tattered Malion. I think its dope and I'd rock it. Don't judge me.

These are hilarious to me. I'd have real tattoos like this if I didn't work for "the man". From perpetual kid, this site has the coolest shit ever!

This dress is from Stop Staring and I want it extra bad. Their shit is expensive but so dope! This will be my Christmas dress. Maybe i'll wear it with my new collar? hmmm

And last but not least these shoes from Michael Kors. He makes the best, hottest shit ever! Maybe these will go with my dress/collar ensemble. Yes


Me and my son are bored out of our minds, so I did this. Inspired by Jewels Gray. word!

Zombie Prom Recap

Well as I predicted Zombie Prom was motherfucking epic! I am still in a zombified euphoric state! Oh man if you missed this party, you should kick yourself directly in the mouth. We gave away so much free shit it was ridiculous! I have been to a ton of costume parties but this one took the crown! Everyone’s costumes were super sick. I left the house thinking I was totally zombified, but when I got there I had nothing on some of these motherfuckers!
If you missed it, don't fret I feel a lot more sick parties coming your way courtesy of Ink Monstr, Larimer Street Tattoo and Whorebath Clothing. And there’s always next year’s Zombie Prom!
So I would like to take a moment to shout out our sponsors who made this event a huge success!
PBR and 42 Below Vodka for the booze, Red Bull for the wings, Soap Point Graphics, Snowboard Magazine, and SoGnar for the gnarly free shit and amazing sick promotion, Preston Utley Photography for the dopest photo booth which was the highlight of the party, (and later burned). DJ Bitwise for the extra dope music that kept the dance floor packed until the lights came on, Of course Old Larimer Street Tattoo for generously donating $300 in free tattoos to the event, not to mention climbing on great big ladders to hang streamers and blowing up 140 balloons! Also for providing security. ha! You guys fucking rock socks!
Of course a big huge tremendous XO to Reed and all the boys at the Ink Monstr warehouse for hosting and helping me to plan the most epic party of the motherfucking year!
So if you fucked up and missed the party here are a few pics to rub it in, and if you were there well... you already know. Word to your mom.