Keep it Real

I can dig it.


Daily Affirmations

I'll be taking que from Jessica from now on. I am officially incorporating this into my daily routine. Minus the standing on the counter part, but including the super legit arm movements. "I like my pajamas!"

Swagger Wagon

Yeah, Toyota had to come hard after all those recalls. It doesn't make me want to roll a minivan, but it sure as fuck makes me laugh! White people can be hilarious! "I be ownin bake sales with my cupcake skills"

I got that boom boom pow!

Look how fucking cool these are! Hand grenade shaped seed flower thingys! I don't garden, on a count of I destroy pretty much every living thing I get my hands on. But I just may have to cop me some of these SeedBoms! All Martha Stewart meets Laura Croft! Usually I like my weapons live, and....well destructive but these are the opposite of damaging for sure! All eco friendly and shit!

cop some Kabloom!

3 of my favorite things!

OK, so I know I'm a wee bit late with this one. Seriously I wanted to listen to the entire album before I posted it. I mean I don't just go posting shit I don't really like on a count of someone is my friend. I don't just support local shit, I support good shit. So I finally listened to it and, duh, shit is fire! So get like me, download Dreams, Caffeine & Nicotine. Three of my favorite things! Wacha!
And shout out to the homie Dyalekt. Ya'll don't underestimate this mother fucker!

This is Where you Want to be....

Seriously, you cannot fucking miss this! My American Trash Republic fam will be wrecking the fuck outta this show! If you haven't seen ATR live, wake the fuck up! There will be lots of other dope artists in the house as well!
And of course the much anticipated release of the homie Big Joe Thunder/Box State Music Mile High Madness DVD!
Be there or be square bitches!!

Sometimes you gotta make some love...

This is one of my favorite songs EVER, sometimes I play it twice in a row. Jack Black cracks me up! What the fuck does "ball you discretly" even mean? Is that like "tea bagged"? I guess I've never been "balled", or maybe I have and just didn't know it, or didn't know it was called "balling". Whatever, this song is hilarious.

Here's the lyrics so you can sing along cause you know you wanna!
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fucking give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fucking teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
I'm not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fucking fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard

Faux Real

Ok I'm gonna break it down for you like I do. I am fully aware that some of you motherfuckers won't like, and won't agree with what I have to say, and pretty much I don’t fucking care. It's my fucking blog, if you have an opinion start your own fucking blog.

For as long as I can remember I hear bitches hollering about how they're "real" how their hair is "real", how their nails are "real" how their tits are "real". And for as long as I can remember I hear dudes hollering about how they want a "real" chick. Whatevs, I fucking doubt it! The way I see it, there is a bit of confusion between "real" and "REAL" I honestly don't think not a motherfucking bitch I know is "real" and that’s just how I like it! Who the fuck is anyone to say what is "real" and what isn't? Yes, all the hair on your head was grown from your scalp, and that's "real". But guess what? All that color in it, is not. Your finger nails may not be glued on, but all the polish on em, yup...not "real" sugar. Makeup isn't "real", hair color isn't "real", nail polish isn't "real" a lot of the shit we do to ourselves on a daily basis isn't "real". Who the fuck cares, honestly?
Not one of us walks around today just the way God made us. If we did, we'd be some pasty, hairy, mostly ugly motherfuckers. I see it as maintenance. All I'm saying, is do what the fuck makes you happy with yourself. If you feel better with extensions in your hair, lashes on your eyes, silicone in your bra, clean shaven, teeth whitened, skin bronzed, then do it and rock the fuck out of it! Don't be so worried about being "real" or being "fake" worry about being you. And that goes for my natural girls too, if you feel better with a clean face, and the ass yo mama gave you, then work that too bitch! And guys, if you're looking for a girl based solely on if she wears makeup or extensions or not, then I'm afraid you have more serious problems. Personally, there’s a lot of shit about me that isn't "real" lemme break it down for you: I rock fake lashes almost everyday of my life, and more makeup than you'd care to know about. Everything from the nose down is waxed or shaved. My grill is whitened on a monthly basis. My fingers and toes polished weekly. I rock extensions when I feel like it. And yeah, the purple hair, well you can probably guess it didn’t grow in that way. Who knows I may even have some shit nipped and tucked and..... well, enhanced. Why? Cause it makes me fucking feel good.
So, just so we're all clear here, what I'm saying is that your hair, nails, makeup, or anything else you do or don't do esthetically does not make you "REAL". The way I see it, "REAL" is who you are and not what you look like. So if you're "REAL" you are that way from the minute you wake up, bad breath, no makeup whatever to the minute you close your eyes at night. I know that when I'm sitting at home in my sweatpants, hair tied, no makeup, I'm just as "REAL" as I am in 5inch stilettos and red lipstick. I can also tell you that the bitches in my life, are the "REALEST" bitches I know, false lashes, fake tits, Jersey tans, and plastic finger nails included!
And now you fucking know....

Numero Uno

I got locked in the bathroom stall again (yes, again) today, this time for 12 minutes until someone came to help me pry the lock loose. I refuse to ever ever crawl under the stall. I need to start bringing my celly with me to the b-room. During these 12 seemingly endless minutes I had some time to think. What does a brilliant mind such as mine think about whilst locked in the bathroom for 12 minutes you ask? Well I thought about why the fuck I am dumb enough to always use the stall with the jamming lock. I thought about why after I'm freed do I never report said jamming lock to building maintenance? I thought about how the most random and hilarious stuff happens in the 4th floor bathroom. 
Which brings me to last Thursday...... It was about 5pm, and the day of our 1st volleyball game. (we're playing volleyball now, we'll talk about that later) I went into the bathroom to change into my volleyball clothes. (No, not spandex and knee pads. Sweats and a hoody, deal with it) So I go into the last stall with my bag of clothes to change and pee. The stall next to me was occupied. So just as I pull down my pants and cop a squat, the girl in the stall next to me is like "What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?"  Keep in mind that this all happened very quickly. So I'm like huh? Why the fuck is she asking me what I'm gonna do? I mean her tone was kinda demanding like she needed an answer right away.  Seriously what stranger shouts questions at you from a bathroom stall, and why, and what kind of answer was she looking for?  So I answered the best I could under such circumstances, I said.... "Uhhhh number one"  I honestly thought the bitch was asking me if I was gonna make number one or number two. Weird as it seems now, at the moment it seemed like a reasonable question. I mean we were in the fucking bathroom, makes sense right?  What I couldn't see, was that the bitch was apparently on her cell phone carrying on an apparent one sided conversation with someone else. I say one sided because if i'd heard her talking before her random question shouting, then i'd have known she was on the phone and saved myself the embarrassment of telling her I was just gonna pee. Needless to say, she was like "Oh uhhhm, sorry I'm on the phone" and proceeded to laugh hysterically. I went number one, changed my clothes, and made sure she was long gone before I made my exit! And NO it never occurred to me that the bitch was on the phone, and NO it did not occur to me to answer with "Are you talking to me?" or "Changing my clothes" so don't fucking ask.
Seriously, who carries on phone conversations while using a public restroom? (I mean besides Jenna of course.) What needs discussing so badly that you can't talk about it after you go? Or hold it till the super important conversation is over!
I've made a decision to use the bathroom less or use the bathroom on another floor to (a) avoid getting locked in the stall & (b) avoid  question shouting bathroom cell phone girl. People are fucking strange!

In Paris, people think in French

Even thought its been a minute since I've posted a shit I've learned slash shit I'm thinking about list,  does not mean I have not thought about or learned anything lately. Geez like my mind is all empty! Not even close. So here it is a list of a bunch of shit:
1. Maintaining a blog is not as easy as it once was.
2. I'm not half bad at graphic design.
3. Apparently most females don't own slash shoot guns, only a special few. I also learned owning slash shooting guns is not appropriate tea party convo. Oh and I learned that I don't really give a fuck, and I'll say whatever I want.
4. Some people think that 30 is too old for purple hair. Some people don't care what some people think and will color my hair purple if I feel like it.
5. The iPhone works fucking great for pretty much everything except a phone.
6. Pantera does not belong on Sunday afternoon BBQ mixes... heh, who knew?
7. Nobody cruises Federal on Cinco de Mayo anymore, and it makes me kinda sad. The police ruin everyones good time.
8. My son is the single most amazing human I know, and I hope he never ever grows out of "mommy kisses"
9. Contrary to popular belief volleyball does not really come naturally to all white people.
10. Stop using the first stall from the left.
11. Shoe shopping is a sick addiction. There needs to be some kind of support group.
12. White beaters, tan dickes, and chuck tays will never go out of style.
13. Bipolar disorder is a serious and not a funny joke.
14. Anti meth commercials are still fucking hilarious to me. I wish someone on meth would come over and clean my house. I'd hide all my valuables and coloring books of course. Can't trust those methers!
15. A true friend will shoot any bird who attempts to peck your eyes out, no questions asked.
16. The move Mannequin is complete bullshit. Mannequins are scary and not fun at all!
17. Elbow tattoos are the single worst form of torture ever! But look tuff as fuck when said and done.
18. Social networking is exhausting, I'm starting to question if it's worth it at all...
19. Fuck TFLN Bunnny and The General are the funniest most legit bitches on the face of the earth.
20. Rain is natures lube.
21. Sometimes I feel like everyone is high except me.
22. I miss making these lists and vow to do it more often!

Forever After

So mini, being the amazing little fucker that he is got me the entire Shrek Forever After OPI collection for Mother's Day! I loved it the minute I saw it! Honestly I woulda bought them all myself sooner or later!
Probably one by one on a count of OPI is not cheap! I rarely like every single color in a collection, but the Forever After collection is I'm currently rocking "Ogre the top Blue" with "What's With the Cattitude" I can't wait to rock the rest! Wacha!


Ok, so I know my posts have been sparatic, I've been a busy bitch!  Not to worry, I still have a bunch of shit to say beeleedat! I'll come correct. Sorry...... not really that much though.

Cop a Feel

Every once in a while Dime Piece comes through with some shit I can digg. The doll head tights I copped a few months back for example. Now this dress, I fux wit it. It reminds me of a more sophisticated version of my Iron Fist monster hoodie.
Cop a feel @ Nasty Gal

Oh, this is my monster hoodie, cause obviously monsters like boobs too. Duh

"Love her cooties, love her cooties, rub her booty touch her boobies."