Numero Uno


I got locked in the bathroom stall again (yes, again) today, this time for 12 minutes until someone came to help me pry the lock loose. I refuse to ever ever crawl under the stall. I need to start bringing my celly with me to the b-room. During these 12 seemingly endless minutes I had some time to think. What does a brilliant mind such as mine think about whilst locked in the bathroom for 12 minutes you ask? Well I thought about why the fuck I am dumb enough to always use the stall with the jamming lock. I thought about why after I'm freed do I never report said jamming lock to building maintenance? I thought about how the most random and hilarious stuff happens in the 4th floor bathroom. 
Which brings me to last Thursday...... It was about 5pm, and the day of our 1st volleyball game. (we're playing volleyball now, we'll talk about that later) I went into the bathroom to change into my volleyball clothes. (No, not spandex and knee pads. Sweats and a hoody, deal with it) So I go into the last stall with my bag of clothes to change and pee. The stall next to me was occupied. So just as I pull down my pants and cop a squat, the girl in the stall next to me is like "What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?"  Keep in mind that this all happened very quickly. So I'm like huh? Why the fuck is she asking me what I'm gonna do? I mean her tone was kinda demanding like she needed an answer right away.  Seriously what stranger shouts questions at you from a bathroom stall, and why, and what kind of answer was she looking for?  So I answered the best I could under such circumstances, I said.... "Uhhhh number one"  I honestly thought the bitch was asking me if I was gonna make number one or number two. Weird as it seems now, at the moment it seemed like a reasonable question. I mean we were in the fucking bathroom, makes sense right?  What I couldn't see, was that the bitch was apparently on her cell phone carrying on an apparent one sided conversation with someone else. I say one sided because if i'd heard her talking before her random question shouting, then i'd have known she was on the phone and saved myself the embarrassment of telling her I was just gonna pee. Needless to say, she was like "Oh uhhhm, sorry I'm on the phone" and proceeded to laugh hysterically. I went number one, changed my clothes, and made sure she was long gone before I made my exit! And NO it never occurred to me that the bitch was on the phone, and NO it did not occur to me to answer with "Are you talking to me?" or "Changing my clothes" so don't fucking ask.
Seriously, who carries on phone conversations while using a public restroom? (I mean besides Jenna of course.) What needs discussing so badly that you can't talk about it after you go? Or hold it till the super important conversation is over!
I've made a decision to use the bathroom less or use the bathroom on another floor to (a) avoid getting locked in the stall & (b) avoid  question shouting bathroom cell phone girl. People are fucking strange!

3 comments:

GrittyVelvet said...

People and their damn cell phones. Just glad I wasn't in there with you. Love your funny little face boo!

DenverFrank said...

Ha ha thank you. This has to be the funniest "Number 2" ever. You need to keep your filero with you at all times to jimmy that lock open.

J Bunny. said...

bahahahah i think about this all the time... and i still laugh out loud. 'uhhhh number 1' bahahahaha omg thats the funniest shit ive ever heard!!!

ps. so do you just sit there when youre stuck? or do you stand? and then how do you go about getting someone to help...
'uhhh hello... im stuck in here... can you help get me out'
bahahah