And my magnum, takin' out some putos...

If there was ever a song that deserved a Rage re-make, it's this one! I fucking LOVE both Cypress Hill and Rage Against the Machine. Infact Cypress was one of the first concerts I ever went to. I can honestly say that the Cypress show gave me mad appreaction for LIVE music. They came to Red Rocks with Busta Rhymes and that shit was siiiick!
Rage is just that raw, gritty, pure uncut shit! You can't even fucks with them!

Heres the original:

Hey Pretty Baby with the High heels on...


I can't believe its already been a year! Seems like just yesterday this motherfuckers death was crashing twitter.
Truth is, I missed him long before he even died. I mean, I missed the 80's dopeness he use to put out. Once he became a white, his music didn't have as much soul. Not tryna downplay the dude, he is and always will be a FUCKING LEGEND.
This joint is number one on my list of favorite MJ songs; followed by Thriller at #2, Billie Jean at #3, PYT at #4, and Smooth Criminal at #5 (ok so he was kinda a white for Smooth Criminal, but had not completely lost his marbles yet)

I'll say whatever the duck I want...

Yep, I am officially the proud owner of the new freshness that is the iPhone 4! Fuckin right doggy! I can't wait to waste even more time on my phone than I did before! Maybe this phone will make it a little easier to text and drive! Sheesh! But to be honest if you call me and I don't wanna talk to you, or you text me and I don't text you back; I'll most likely still use the "Hmmm, that's weird, my phone must be fucking up" line. Heh.
While I'm moving up and on from my 3G, it will always hold a special place in my heart! So in honor of my 3G piece of shit here is list of words that I apparently use frequently enough for the iPhone to save them and auto complete them in my everyday texting slash emailing slash tweeting.

1. t&a - which = tits and ass for the dumb fucks who didn't know. This is an important acronym and should be used frequently by everyone.
2. Godzilla - Now not only does my phone auto-complete Godzilla, it also capitalizes it. Because duh its totally a proper noun! "I'm on your side, I hate Godzilla too. He destroys cities" Bahaha
3. allthefuckingtime - Now technically this is 3 words minus the spaces. I believe it should be one word, and it should be used... well... allthefuckingtime.
4. fucktards - This one is best when your mother is attempting to search "Fudruckers" in your phone, and it pops up as a suggestion.
5. Beeotch - I'm pretty sure this one speaks for itself. I use it mostly when texting Rachel and/or Jenna.
6. Whorebath - Duh.... ask somebody
7. motherfucker(s) - This one is used more than almost anyother word in my vocabulary.  I use it in both singular and plural form. Those of you who know me, already know what it is.
8. ruhtard - From "The Hangover" I'm not a ruhtard...
9. bwaaahahahaha - I use this when something requires more than a LOL or a LMFO. Like for shit that's funnier than average.
10. chicka/yeeeah/boiiiiiiii - It completes all three of these words on a count of I use the phrase "chicka chicka yeeeah boiiiiii" quite often. Haha thanks McLovin.

So heres to you old iPiece, you've seen some texts/photos that'd make Jenna Jameson blush! Haha. Let's hope the 4 catches on quickly and realizes that I will never ever be trying to say "duck me".

Cardiac Arrest

This is the kinda shit that'll give a bitch a heart attack. Pure fucking dopery! I need these on my feet like yesterday! Consider them officially added to my birthday present request list. I'm a size 5.5. Thanks.
make that shit happen here

I'm all wet...

So, with yesterday being the first official day of summer a swimsuit post seems appropriate. Being a semi-skinny bitch now I am in desperate need of a new swimsuit. It is after all Water World season!
Here are my top picks! As you can tell I am mostly a fan of the retro suit. 
Because I am so indecisive I'ma put this one in your hands. Tell me which one is the winner! Poll is to the left. Make it hot.
Update: The Cherry Suit won, and has been ordered. Done and Done. Thanks for voting ex oh ex oh!

"If it wasn't for date rape, I'd never get laid"

Apparently some fuckin genius who was most likely raped came up with this fuckin brilliant idea. A drink coaster that tells you if your cocktail has been fucked with. Basically you drip some of your beverage onto the coaster and it changes color if some dick is tryna drug you up. Pretty smart huh! None of us want to wake up with a fucking jungle cat in our bathrooms or a baby in the closet right.
I can't say for sures if I've ever been roofied but I'm like 87% sure these two strippers in Vegas totally slipped me a mickey! I had one beer and I was fuuuuuuucked up! Bitches be triflin! Rest assured the evil strippers didn't get the best of me that night. We sucessfully stumbled into a cab and made it back to the hoteez. Not to worry folks, I didn't leave without getting the best lap dance of my life! Pshhhh. No evil stripper is gonna get in these drawers, I mean without permission! Bahahaaaha
Anyway here is my favorite song about date rape. Haha, yeah I have a favorite date rape song, so what!

Black Doug: "I always wondered why they were called roofies, 'cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call 'em floories."
Alan: "Or rapies"
but it's only 5, so no promises

baile baile!

Seriously?! I thought I was the only one who dances on my dining room table in my undies! Good to know I'm not alone! Whew!
I'm just wondering where this kid learned all these moves. And why his mom didn't put him a clean diaper before she recorded his little ass and threw that shit up on the internet. Whatevs, as much as I dislike babies, this is kinda cute. kinda...

"The taste of her Cherry Chapstick"

In honor of Pride Fest this weekend, here are a few fresh slash hilarious items that every gay should have.

Gay Bar Soap... just dont drop it!

Motion activated rainbow projector.
AA Legalize Gay Tee.

Oh and ladies if you even want a chance at sucking face with Katy Perry, you'll need this.
 
These are all just fun of course. On a more serious note I think sexuality should be celebrated and NOT condemned. I think the good lord loves us all the same. And furthermore FUCK "the man" for tryna keep the gays down! I say let em get married, or kiss or sex eachother, or adopt asian babies or whatever they wanna do! People are people, thats it!  Mind ya business, that's all just mind ya business!

Disclaimer: This is all just my opinion. This does not mean that i'm a gay. I like boys very much. And I may or may not have open mouth kissed one or four girls at one time or another. And I moy or may not have liked it very much :)

Pour some suga on me!

I have a birthday coming up in August, for those of you who didn't know... what the motherfuck is wrong with you? Anyway, up until that date I will posting gift ideas. So take some fucking notes.
I saw this at one of my favorite online stores today. Mini cupcake maker! How fucking genius is this shit? It's like a George Foreman grill for cupcakes! And we all know how fucking sick the Foreman grill is! It cooks 7 cupcakes at a time and it cooks them in 5 fucking minutes! Whaaaaaaat?
Don't trip I may have shrunk a bunch, but I can still get the fuck down on some cupcakes!
Don't stop get it get it?

"You can't tie me down babydoll"

Ok, so I know Pac spit a fuck load of real deep shit during his short time with us. Most people dissect it and talk about the irony of his lyrics and this and that. And shit, whatevs, that's cool. As for me I think this is BY FAR one of the dopest Pac verses ever! It's not about dying or heaven or crack or his mama, but some good old fashion smashin! He kept it light with this one. I like that.
"Finger tips on the hips as I dip,            
gotta get a tight grip                           
Don't slip loose lips sink ships, it s a trip
I love the way she licks her lips,            
see me jocking
Put a little twist in her hips
cause I'm watching
Conversations on the phone
til the break of dawn
Now we all alone, why the lights on?
Turn 'em off, time to set it off,
get you wet and soft
Something's on your mind, let it off
You don't know me, you just met me,
you won't let me
Well if I couldn't have it (silly rabbit)
why you sweating me?
It's a lot of real G's doing time
Cause a groupy bit the truth& told a lie
You picked the wrong guy                      
baby if you're too fly                             
You need to hit the door,                      
search for a new guy                            
 Cause I only got one night in town         
Break out or be clown,                          
baby doll are you down?                        
I get around"                                        

"Baby got a problem sayin bye bye"

Happy Birthday Pac! You fucking legend you!

Goodnight sweetheart... goodnight.

This kid is super sleepy for sure! I've been this tired before. Never on TV but def on like an airplane or something. Maybe Obama is using his sleepy time hypnotic voice. But it's only working on this one guy. Whatevs, this shit is fucking hilarious! If it was me, it would not be so hilarious! But its not... so I can laugh.

Keep in mind that this High School in Kalamazoo beat out a school in Denver in this President speaks at graduation contest thingy. What a shame huh?

"What are you guys? Professional heroes or somethin'?"....."We're Greasers"

This is where you will need to be this Saturday! So many dope cars! I'm so excited, I got my red lipstick & pin curls ready! Let's hope there's as much eye candy as Ink-N-Iron poppin off in Cali this weekend!
It might be chilly, but trust there will be enough hott bitches there to warm the fucking planet! I will be creating my own little army of pin-up dolls for the event. So I guarantee, if you don't like cars you'll have something else boner-producing to look at.
See you motherfuckers there!
"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

"Hello hello baby you called... I can't hear a thing"

You can bet your pretty ass i'll be snagging one of these motherfuckers as soon as it drops!  I'm way the fuck overdue for an upgrade! And ehhh video chat... yes please!
Like my cousin said.... lets hope they have upgraded the phone app on this one! The current version works great for everything except a phone!
iPiece 4

4 and 20.... not 4-20

This song is extra legit. I can get down with some Joss Stone, she's old school. I like that.

I'm here to show you things you don't know you like yet...

Behold, the most recent additions to my collection:

I had to have this, it reminded me of Nacho Libre. I will rock it with my Luchador mask and stretchy pants. It'll most likely be amazing.

Copped these babies online. They screamed my name, I couldn't say no. Yes, I got both colors. "Every girl needs three things. A dumb dress, a pair of fuck me pumps, and a pair a sunnies that'll land every motherfucker in the ER with a broken neck."


Last, but mo certainly not least.... these beauties! I'm pretty sure they speak for themselves. I keeps the heat on my feet.... 


This oughtta keep my clones busy for a while.... Just remember... No matter what you doin, you can't do it like me.

and theeeen...

It's about that time again.

1. Grapes, lemons, hWhiskey, cough drops, tea, honey, delsym, tequila, or robutussin do absolutely nothing for a cough! I feel like there is a demon doing head spins in my throat. Fuck him!
2. United Airlines are a bunch of rapers! Money hungry and mean assholes!
3. People look at you funny when you start praying the rosary on an airplane.
4. Arkansas is not a place I like to visit. The only good things about this place are sweet tea and extra legit radio stations. Denver radio should take notice of whatever Little Rock radio is doing and follow suit.
5. Edward Scissor Hands gloves were by far one of the best purchases i've made to date.
6. If a house is equipped with an air conditioning system, there is no good reason not to fucking use it!
7. Being sick in the summer is seriously the worst! I'd much rather be cold and sick than fucking melting and sick.
8. Tattoo sleeves seemed like a much better idea when wearing long sleeves wasn't such torture! Fuck the man!
9. I burned my boob with my curling iron today. Only I could pull off something so nearly impossible as this. Let me just tell you, it IS as bad as it sounds.
10. I am beyond excited for hot rod pin-up time this weekend! Wacha!
11. Even spf60 baby sunblock will not prevent me from getting sunburned. I am the whitest brown bitch ever!

... that's all for now