Things I heart

Yeah, it's that fucking simple. This is list of things I heart.
  • Mini - My son, no his names not really mini, dumbfucks. It's AJ and I heart the motherfucker.
  • Ma Dukes - Thanks for giving birth to me. Everyone else thanks you too.
  • My Papa Bear - Thanks for knockin up Ma Dukes, and teaching me how to be brown.
  • My Brother - ok, he's kind of an asshole. But no one has my back like he does.
  • Kelli - Kelli is short for Germaine. Once, in HS I got my ass whooped by this big bitch, and so G came down with her shell toe adidas and womped the fuck outta her. It was great. She's my ride or die still to this day.
  • Genchel - This is a combo between General & Rachel, together we are Genchel and we will take over the world. Muuuahahahaaaa (evil laugh)
  • Bunnnny & The Gen - Well this one has been retired for a bit, but in our prime no one could touch us.
  • Lip gloss - It brings all the boys to the yard. Duh.
  • Cursing - Yeah I speak French! It's extra fucking classy. Ask my mom.
  • The Bird - AKA the middle finger, AKA fuck you. I speak fucking sign language too. All fucking day.
  • Stilettos - Yes, they hurt and they fuck up your feet, and sometimes make you fall down. But motherfuck no one can rock a stiletto like this bitch!
  • Sunsets - I think they're really fucking pretty, I usually nearly wreck trying to take pictures of them. (not in Kansas)
  • Oldies - I've been told my music selection mostly sucks. The majority of it consists of oldies. Even though they're called oldies, they really never get old to me.
  • Word Smashing - This is the art of taking two or more words and smashing them together into one even more amazing word. ex. Drexting = driving+texting. It could also be people like the afore mentioned Genchel. Another good one is wogging = walking+jogging. I could go forever, you get it.
  • Makeup - I heart all of it pretty much. It makes ugly bitches pretty, and pretty bitches gorgeous. Try it.
  • Kisses - I like kisses of all varieties. Including, but not limited to: mouth, forehead, butterfly, echo, baby, eskimo, soft, hard. You get the idea. Kissing is the best! I give kisses all day son! Not really tho.
  • Sunglasses - I mostly have to wear them on a count of my future's so bright. Or sometimes to conceal my identity. But usually I wear them to keep the sun .outta my eyes. Duh.
  • Panties - Not so much the item itself, but just the word "panties" I like to say it, I think it's the best.
  • Chelada - Or mi Chelada as the super mexis call it. Red beer for you wonder bread muhfuckas. It's delicious, I like to think of it as the ghetto bloody mary.
Theres a bunch of other shit I heart, but to be honest with you it's almost the end of the day and I have to pee really fucking bad! So you'll just have to use your imagination.

"Bitch, I don't know your life!"

So if you read my blog, then you most likely know the following about me: (a) I am amazing (b) I am hilarious (c) Profanity is my paint. But I can assure you that there’s so much more to me than a pretty face and a foul mouth. I'm way fucking deep ok.
So I’d like to take this opportunity to give you, my readers a rare glimpse into my world. Here,(in list form of course) is some shit you may or may not know about The General:
  • The General often refers to herself in the third person. Third person speak is fancy and hilarious.
  •  I fucking hate seafood! All of it, shrimp, fish, tuna, fuckin oysters, sushi. If it lives in water, I don’t fucking like it! Don’t try to get me to taste it. I will not, and this will only anger me.
  • What do I like to eat you ask? It’s pretty simple actually. Anything you would feed a kid, I most likely LOVE. Cheeseburgers, pizza, chicken nuggets, peanut butter and jelly. I don’t eat fancy shit just for the sake of being trendy. Don’t get me wrong I like a bunch of shit, but these are diet staples.
  • I'm a chapstick junkee. I'm pretty sure I’d straight up die without my chapstick. I have spare emergency tubes all over the fucking place to avoid going into freak out status. I'm partial to Burt’s bees, but I'm not opposed to other brands.
  • 10 years ago I went to manicure school to kill time in the evening. I never really intended on becoming a manicurist, I just thought it was interesting. I give myself a mani & pedi once a week. Gotta keep that shit on point.
  •  I'm an avid road rager. Traffic, cars, and basically any other people on the road piss me off on a daily basis. I'm convinced that I'm the ONLY one who knows how to drive.
  • I have a bit of a foot fetish; I'm always looking at feet. I think it goes hand in hand with my shoe fetish. In my opinion women’s feet are one of the sexiest parts of the body. 
  •  My face is freckled. Yes, believe it or not under the 9 layers of makeup there is a plethora of freckles. I’ve always had them. I'm pretty much the only one in my family who does. I hate them and will continue to cover them with makeup on a daily basis.
  • I'm an avid movie quoter. I use quotes from movies in my everyday life. I think everyone should.
  • Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie. I will tattoo Mia Wallace on me this year.
  • The “outdoors” pretty much gross me the fuck out. I mean like farms, camping, and just nature in general. I like sunsets and rainbows and shit like that, but if it involves dirt and/or animals I'm not with it.
  • I failed my first two driving tests at 16. Who knew that pedestrians always have the right of way? That’s just fucking silly, I think whoever is going the fastest should have the right of way, on a count of that’s usually me.
  • Anything related to doomsday, the fucking apocalypse, 2012, the Mayan calendar, and just the end of the world in general gives me the most intense fucking anxiety EVER. In fact I don’t even wanna talk about it anymore.
  • My dream car is a 1965 Ford Mustang. Preferably candy apple red, with a white top. Someday I will own one, and I will look amazing in it, and I will not give any fucking pedestrians the right of way. This I promise. 
  •  Last but not least, you should know that contrary to popular belief, there is in fact a “softer” side to me. It’s not all lugies and middle fingers. I like to cuddle, I like little soft baby kisses on my shoulders and kisses on my forehead, I like my back to be tickled and my hair to be played with , sometimes scary movies give me bad dreams, I like to be told that I smell good and I like when my son tells me I look pretty.
On that note, I’d like to shout out the very few special people in my life who know Angel. You know you’re part of this elite group if I’ve ever: let you see me without makeup, given you echo kisses, cried in front of you, peed in front of you, wrestled with you, asked for your advice, or your opinion. Big ups to my peeps who know me beyond the interweb.


Motherfuck! The Extras are pretty much wrecking shit lately! I haven't seen a peice from them that I wouldn't gladly rock the fuck out of!
Again, g'head and add all of this fuckery to my birthday list. Only about 23 shopping days left. Handle it.

"Please stop worryin bout what I got. What the fuck y'all know about the shit I rock?"

Tighty Whitey Tebow

Our new semi-sexy quarterback is already tryna follow in the footsteps of some fucking legends. Timmy just signed an endorsement deal with Jockey. He will be the face of the Jockey line for the next 3 years. It worked for Jordan I guess, but that's AFTER we all knew he was pure fucking greatness. Let's hope T-Bow gets his ass into more than a pair of cheap underwear! Oh and ladies, in case you were wondering..... He prefers briefs. Ehhhhh..... ok.

Tebow's aiight, but can't nobody bend it like Beckham. *bites lip

Hello amazing!

Motherfuck! After I pick my jaw up off the floor, I will make it my mission to recreate this dopery! Zipper Nails By Laura SofiaKoski! Thanks to Rach for sending me shit like this allfuckingday!
"And I always got you tuggin' on my tuggin' on my zipper"

"untouchable, branded unfuckable"

Aiight, back at it. Today I'd like to share with you fuck faces one of my all time favorite songs! You know you all have that song that gets you all pumped and makes you wanna mosh, or kick people in the mouth. This is that song for me. It doesn't matter if I'm in a dress and pearls, or if my moms in the car, I go straight MONSTER when this song comes on! (side note: we all know I'd never wear pearls, that was for dramatic effect) Listen for yourself and try not to get all headbangers ball wit it!
PS. What ever happened to Limp Bizkit? I thought they were pretty legit. They need a comeback stat!

Thrifty Thursday

Estée Lauder's boojee ass is finally throwin the "on a budget" bitches a bone. Bout time you motherfuckers!
I do gotta give it them though, their product is pretty much the chit! So here's your chance to score some FREE! Yep I said FREE! WTF right? Go get that shit bitches, cause this kinda thing never happens!!
Estée Lauder is giving away free samples from their Advanced Night Repair skin care collection. Head to any Estée Lauder counter nationwide today from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. local time, and you can choose a 10-day supply of either the face serum or new eye serum. One per customer, while supplies last, but there's no purchase necessary.
*Via Pink Cupcake Vintage

Fuck The Police!

You already know how I feel about the police. Same way NWA feels. Here is yet another example of how corrupt the fucking police are.
Rockabilly band Mad Max and The Wild Ones were recently affected by the stoopid sick corruption of the law. Basically the cops fucked this dude up.... you guessed it, with no consequences. You can read the full story here.
So the wicked folks at Benders and a bunch of local cats have put together a benefit for them. Mad Max and The Wild Ones will be performing along with special guest GT & The Sidewinders. It'll be a sick show for sure!
All proceeds from the show and raffle will go to the Mad Max legal/medical fund. Good cause, good music, good people. What the fuck more could you want?
I hope to see you fucks there!!


Wow. So This is some shit ya'll muhfuckas need to know about asap! I first heard the duo perform at LollipaRUza. Let me just say, ME LIKEY! These cats are the truth! 
Now if I've said it once, I've said it a bazillion (is that even a real number?) times. I am not a hip-hop fan, I am a MUSIC fan. Motherfuckers are always hollering that I need to support local shit. Call me a bitch, but I don't support local shit. I support GOOD shit! If it's local, even better! 
Don't get me wrong, I love to see my peeps doing their thing, and doing what they love. But in all honesty.... not all of that shit is good shit.
With that being said (again). SOULAJU makes some real good shit. Trust me. It's the kinda shit that makes you wanna just lay back and close your eyes so you can feel every word. It's like dark smokey vintage lounge sexy meets earthy nature sexy meets 3am urban sexy meets revolution sexy. If that makes any sense at all. But yeah, its that good.
The newest album "SOULAJU with DJ Icewater" is available via Rhapsody and iTunes.  Or you can visit the SOULAJU site for more goodies and downloads on these bad bad motherfuckers! 
My favorite so far... "Love Is" 

Gimmie Some

I dig this dress. Consider it added to my birthday shit list. It's kind of a modern spin on a pin-up classic. And besides that I like cherries! Available at Nasty Gal.
"Listen here, he would say. Call me Daddy I'm the boss. and she'd say, Ok you can call me cherry applesauce."

This one always makes me laugh...

I'm not sayin its right, but it's pretty fuckin funny.

make my face smile

This motherfucker is funny! I watched this special again this weekend. I laughed so fucking hard! If you haven't seen the full special, step your game up! You'll laugh your ass off!

Few mad looks from them chicks, you know

She's my favorite child of Destiny. Beyonce's aiight. Kinda overrated. And she gets extra fresh points for rockin with the EVE of destruction, cause that bitch is my favorite! Stupid tattoos and all!

packin' a mac in the backa the ac

Here it goes. A list, that’s right a fuckin list! Apparently my lists are only legit when blogged. Text lists don’t seem to have the same effect. Today’s list will be a compilation of shit I’ve learned and shit that’s went down in my life over the last week or so. Haha some of ya’ll just got scared huh!

• This week I have discovered I have some of the most legit badass friends on the planet. Bitches that will never ever let me fall, or let me forget that I am one of the baddest motherfucking bitches walking the earth.
• I'm working on making a gangsta bra. You’ll see
• Do not fight for anyone who will not fight equally as hard for you.
• Drunk driving thru the city with 3 automatic weapons and katana swords and a camera is either the worst or most brilliant idea ever!
• When I drink a lot of alcohol I get pretty drunk.
• Coming home at the same time the sun is rising feels fuckin grimey!
• Men will forever and ever use tattoos as a pickup line. Seriously if you’re a man and you’re reading this; please know that none of the tatted bitches I know got them to use as an ice breaker. Knock that shit off!
• Miscommunication is a motherfucker and can and will end a potentially amazing thing.
• If you lie to me, I’ll pretty much always find out. Don’t fucking lie to me. Liars get cut.
• Spilled BBs on a garage floor and stilettos are definitely a fatal situation, on a count of when I find out who spilled them, I’ma fuckin murder them! I nearly broke my face!
• I finally got a new AV cable for my car, I don’t know how I ever lived without it. Music is my hot hot sex.
• Fuckin rehab. Fuck.
• Most white people are really terrible at making chelada.
• I spend entirely too much time on the internet.
• For those of you who don’t already know my mini is simply the most legit kid ever! He tells the best jokes ever.
• My new iPhone may or may not be a secret government tracking device used to spy on me. It’s most likely a conspiracy. I should probably start doing some more interesting shit.
• I’d also like to tell my iPhone that replacing psychic with psycho is not fucking legit! I can assure you I was not trying to say “I'm a total psycho” Stupid spy phone, get your shit together and quit trying to embarrass a bitch!
• I’d like to make it known that if you follow my blog, facebook, or twitter for the soul purpose of biting my shit. You are fucking wack. And FYI we’re on to you! Keep in mind that there is only ONE. Sucker ass bitch!
• You for sure cannot wash a dent off a car. Don’t try it, it doesn’t work.
• When posing for suicide themed photos, its best to ensure whatever music is blaring it does not include crazy loud gunshot sound effects. Fuckin stupid scary shit!
• On a final note, I’d just like to say that if you are one of the few motherfuckers that I have allowed into my world. You need to consider yourself very lucky. The thing about my world, is that it’s kind of exclusive. If I let you in, make sure you prove yourself worthy. Hold me the fuck down, and I guarantee I will do the same. I only have time for the real shit. All I require is honesty, respect, and clarity. I promise you, there is no one else out there like me. Don’t let them bitches fool you, they’re simply knock offs.



I was five and he was six. We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white. He would always win the fight

Bang bang, he shot me down. Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound. Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time. When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say, "Remember when we used to play?"

Bang bang, I shot you down. Bang bang, you hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound. Bang bang, I used to shoot you down.

Music played, and people sang. Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now he's gone, I don't know why, And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye. He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang bang, he shot me down. Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound. Bang bang, my baby shot me down

I'ma do some shit like this today

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed, so never mind
And it’s worse, but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a n*gga
But soon for a n*gga it be on, mu’fucka
‘Cause all the bullshit, it made me strong, mu’fucka

So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
I’m gone
Motherfucker, I’m gone

I know what they don’t wanna tell you
Just hope you’re heaven-sent, and you’re hell-proof
I-I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is the stain they can’t wipe off
Huh, my word is my pride
But wisdom is bleak, and that’s a word from the wise
Served to survive, murdered and bribed
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside

So I could pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
I’m gone
Motherfucker, I’m gone (I’m gone)
It hurts, but I never show this pain you’ll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I’ve become, my back’s against the wall
When push come to shove, I just stand up and scream “Fuck ‘em all”

Man, it feels like these walls are closing in
This roof is caving in, up its time to razor-thin
Your days are numbered like pagers and
My book of rhymes, got ‘em cookin’, boy
This crooked mind of mine got ‘em all
Shook and scared to look in my eyes
I stole that fuckin’ clock
I took the time and I
Came up from behind
And pretty much snuck up
And butt-fucked this game up
Better be careful when you bring my name up
Fuck this fame, that ain’t what
I came to claim but the game
Ain’t gonna be the same on the day that I leave it
But I swear one way or another I’ma make these fuckin’ haters believe that
I swear to God, won’t spare the rod
I’m a man of my word, so your fuckin’ heads better nod
Or I’ma fuck around in this bitch and roast everybody
Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head’ll lie
Permanently, bitch, it’s beddy-bye
This world is my Easter egg, yeah, prepare to die
My head is swole, my confidence is up
This stage is my pedestal
I’m unstoppable, incredible
Hope you’re trapped in my medicine ball
I could run circles around you so fast your fuckin’ head’ll spin, dog
I split your cabbage and your lettuce and olives
I’ll fuckin’

Pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your fuckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker
I’m gone
Motherfucker, I’m gone (I’m gone)

never gets old

I do have a job, and I do have shit to do.

I'm so fucking glad today is Friday. All day yesterday felt like Friday, and there is nothing worse than thinking it's Friday all day when it's really Thursday. Nothing. So in honor of Friday, here is a list (duh, what the fuck did you expect) of shit that I think is legit about Friday. Ill use bullet points this time just to change things up.
  • It's the last day of the working for "The Man", well until Monday anyway.
  • There is usually some sort of alcoholic beverage involved.
  • Even tho we don't have "casual Friday" I usually dress down anyway. Say something.
  • I mostly don't do very much work on Fridays. Well that's most days, but more so on Fridays.
  • My last few Friday nights have been.... well pretty fucking amazing. Hoping to roll with that trend.
  • After Friday comes Saturday which is even better than Friday!
  • I usually take it upon myself to leave work early.
  • And I'm extra excited about today's Friday because I get to shoot with the Diva herself and my favorite greaser!
So put your fucking Friday face on and lets burn shit down!

You feelin froggy? Then leap!

Here is some shit that I am currently thinking about, in list form on a count of I just took a second dose of adderall. Deal with it.
  1. Smiley face fireworks DID happen! I just need to find a way to prove it or else I will be in the market for a pink pony.
  2. Preparing to be in front of the camera is much more challenging than being behind the scenes.
  3. I can't wait to be wrath and play with guns and use boys as accessories.
  4. When you're hooked on something, 3 days without it can feel like a forevs!
  5. Some people are so dumb that they don't even really know that they're dumb.
  6. The lack of accessories for the iPhone 4 is ridic! Step your fucking game up cell phone accessory making motherfuckers!
  7. I'm wearing hammer pants today, and they mos def look as ridiculous as they did 17 years ago.
  8. You can pretty much paint anything with nailpolish and it'll look legit.
  9. My roots are growing in blonde. I'm positive God is punishing me.
  10. I cannot fucking wait for Sublime on Saturday! Even tho Bradley is on dead guy status, It will without a doubt be amazing!
  11. I'm officially fucking over hearing about twilight. Harry Potter is way better than these dumb fuck sparkly vampire movies. News flash! No one is scared of a fucking sparkly vampire!  
  12. I'm still trying to decide if  buying my 10 year old an iPhone was the best or the worst idea i've ever had.
  13. Pizza + ranch dressing + doritos + Cheladas + 7 boxes of candy + scary/confusing movies+ Stay the Night mixtape + reserved parking + sofa colored manicures = cloud fucking 9
  14. I'm SO glad that the Dick inspections are over!
  15. Mosquitoes are straight from hell! What good do they even do? I mean do they serve a purpose other than sucking blood and spreading disease?
  16. I'm considering a spray tan. Joisey status.
  17. Sometimes you feel a lot better after a complete breakdown.
  18. Getting hammered at a kids birthday party is not a good look. Just sayin.
  19. I am the fucking biggest procrastinator EVER! I'll tell you about it later.
  20. If I can't reach it, it's definitely not getting fucking cleaned. Bottom line.
  21. Fuck sucker bitches. Me & Rachel will punch a sucker bitch directly in the throat.
  22. What is a gangsta bra? Do I already have one? If not, I definitely need one. Oh and G Rizz too.
  23. I've been at work all week and really haven't accomplished a got damn thing.
  24. I haven't combed my hair not once this week. Yup, not once.
  25. I wish with all my heart that I could get some neck tattoos.
  26. I recently found out that hickeys still exist. Heh, who knew? I thought they went where ever Merry Go Round and IOU sweatshirts went.
  27. Mini had this kid over the house this week and I couldn't for the life of me remember this little motherfuckers name. I kept calling him Derek, but I knew that was wrong. I finally asked him how to spell his name and he looked at me all crazy and goes D O N. Hahaha man I'm getting fucking old.
  28. Ive decided that my skincare routine is getting out of control. Looking young can't be this difficult slash expensive!
  29. Drexting = driving+texting. And I'm really really good at it. Is that bad?
  30. Everyone is required to play slug bug at all times. There is no opting out of slug bug. Unless you're like really old or really young or something, in which case you should probably be punched anyway.
  31. I invented echo kisses and they are the best thing ever! I could give/receive echo kisses all day long.
  32. I wanna watch that movie Jawbreaker again. That was a great fucking movie. "I killed Liz. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it."
  33. Driving to Kansas is always worth it. Always.

She showed up wearing red, she's all inside my head

I'm on my dumb dress kick again. I have more dresses than I even know what to do with. So here are a couple more that I would like to add to my collection. We can place these in the "shit to buy me for my birthday file". I'm a size 8. Thanks!
Oh and if someone can please start having some fancy parties, so I have a place to wear all my dumb dresses to, that'd be fucking great.  
All four available at Karmaloop


She wears a long fur coat of mink
Even in the summer time
Everybody knows from the coy little wink
The girl's got a lot on her mind 

She wants to lead the Glamorous Life
She don't need a man's touch

You said it Mr. Cash...

"Guess Things Happen That Way"

Well you ask me if I'll forget my baby.
I guess I will, someday.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.
You ask me if I'll get along.
I guess I will, someway.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

God gave me that girl to lean on,
then he put me on my own.
Heaven help me be a man
and have the strength to stand alone.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.
You ask me if I'll miss her kisses.
I guess I will, everyday.

I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.
You ask me if I'll find another.
I don't know. I can't say.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

God gave me that girl to lean on,
then he put me on my own.
Heaven help me be a man
and have the strength to stand alone.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

Fucket List

Everytime I hear "Bucket List" I think of "Fucket List" unlike the bucket list its not a list of things i'd like to fuck, but rather things that should fuck off so to speak. And a "Gen list" is long over due.
So here it goes, FUCK the following things:
  1. Traffic (duh) this will forever be at the top of this list
  2. The Police. Ask NWA
  3. Feelings. You know
  4. The man. You're not the boss of me!
  5. Bills (courtesy of Miss Kristi)
  6. Being to work on time. (this one courtesy of BJT )
  7. Headaches. They are stupid and ruin my day.
  8. Sucker bitches. You know who you are, actually prob not cause you're pretty dumb too.
  9. Chipped nail polish
  10. Forever. Forever is bullshit.
  11. AT&T
  12. Being broke
  13. Stalkers. Seriously, fuck you.
  14. Clothes. It's pretty much waaay too hot for these motherfuckers right now.
  15. Being confused. It's definately the worst shit ever.
  16. Being an old bitch.
  17. Running out of hairspray and/or bobby pins.
  18. Mosquito bites. I hate these little motherfuckers.
  19. Bees and thier hives and all thier homies. ;)
  20. And last but not least. Ed Hardy. Fuck Ed Hardy. For real people. knock it off with this shit already!

Dick Inspections

Well, lets just say it's not what you think. Unless you're thinking its a guy named Dick inspecting some shit. Then you'd be correct.
So the dude I work for, his name is Dick... (Well technically its Richard, but he goes by Dick. I know, why on earth would anyone ever do that right? I mean if you're looking for a nickname theres always Richie, Rich, Rick, etc. But Dick..... really?) So i've worked for Dick (giggidy) for over 11 years. The thing about this man is that he has pretty severe OCD. Everything has to be neat and clean and extra organized. Now that may not sound so bad, but i'm talking he will go around with a white glove looking for dust. He carries a level in his pocket to make sure all the pictures in the hallways are straight. He looks for scuffs on every single base board in he office. He hates papers, binders, staplers, coffee cups or any other kind of anything on desks. Its seriously out of control. And he's the president of the company so whattya gonna do.
Anyway, about five years back he started doing these inspections of everyones working areas. And since we all hate them we have dubbed them "Dick Inspections". Apparently we all have the sense of humor of a bunch of middle school kids, cause it's pretty much funny every single time! I mean when you call yourself Dick, you cant expect too much.
So in honor of Dick, and his inspections and our middle school humor. Here's a few funny incidents, involving Dick (giggidy)
  • Instructor was working on her grade book, Dick and I were chatting in his office. Instructor walks in and obviously without thinking, says "Do you have a pencil Dick?"
  • Little boy and his mom waiting in the lobby. Kid is about 5 or so. Dick walks up to the kid and says "Hello young man, whats your name?" Kid says Bobbie or Billie or some shit, then Dick goes "Nice to meet you, I'm Dick" the kid immediately looks at his mom and goes "Mom! he said a bad word" Dick was pretty embarrassed. He told the kid "You can call me Richard"
  • It's Dick's birthday, lady at work walks in with a cake she made for him and says. "I baked a Dick for cake" She obviously meant to say she baked a cake for Dick, but it was way funnier the other way around.
The moral of the story is dont give your kids fucked up names it's not cool. And if you have a fucked up name like Dick, don't do stupid shit like inspecting peoples desks.