"Bitch, I don't know your life!"

So if you read my blog, then you most likely know the following about me: (a) I am amazing (b) I am hilarious (c) Profanity is my paint. But I can assure you that there’s so much more to me than a pretty face and a foul mouth. I'm way fucking deep ok.
So I’d like to take this opportunity to give you, my readers a rare glimpse into my world. Here,(in list form of course) is some shit you may or may not know about The General:
  • The General often refers to herself in the third person. Third person speak is fancy and hilarious.
  •  I fucking hate seafood! All of it, shrimp, fish, tuna, fuckin oysters, sushi. If it lives in water, I don’t fucking like it! Don’t try to get me to taste it. I will not, and this will only anger me.
  • What do I like to eat you ask? It’s pretty simple actually. Anything you would feed a kid, I most likely LOVE. Cheeseburgers, pizza, chicken nuggets, peanut butter and jelly. I don’t eat fancy shit just for the sake of being trendy. Don’t get me wrong I like a bunch of shit, but these are diet staples.
  • I'm a chapstick junkee. I'm pretty sure I’d straight up die without my chapstick. I have spare emergency tubes all over the fucking place to avoid going into freak out status. I'm partial to Burt’s bees, but I'm not opposed to other brands.
  • 10 years ago I went to manicure school to kill time in the evening. I never really intended on becoming a manicurist, I just thought it was interesting. I give myself a mani & pedi once a week. Gotta keep that shit on point.
  •  I'm an avid road rager. Traffic, cars, and basically any other people on the road piss me off on a daily basis. I'm convinced that I'm the ONLY one who knows how to drive.
  • I have a bit of a foot fetish; I'm always looking at feet. I think it goes hand in hand with my shoe fetish. In my opinion women’s feet are one of the sexiest parts of the body. 
  •  My face is freckled. Yes, believe it or not under the 9 layers of makeup there is a plethora of freckles. I’ve always had them. I'm pretty much the only one in my family who does. I hate them and will continue to cover them with makeup on a daily basis.
  • I'm an avid movie quoter. I use quotes from movies in my everyday life. I think everyone should.
  • Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie. I will tattoo Mia Wallace on me this year.
  • The “outdoors” pretty much gross me the fuck out. I mean like farms, camping, and just nature in general. I like sunsets and rainbows and shit like that, but if it involves dirt and/or animals I'm not with it.
  • I failed my first two driving tests at 16. Who knew that pedestrians always have the right of way? That’s just fucking silly, I think whoever is going the fastest should have the right of way, on a count of that’s usually me.
  • Anything related to doomsday, the fucking apocalypse, 2012, the Mayan calendar, and just the end of the world in general gives me the most intense fucking anxiety EVER. In fact I don’t even wanna talk about it anymore.
  • My dream car is a 1965 Ford Mustang. Preferably candy apple red, with a white top. Someday I will own one, and I will look amazing in it, and I will not give any fucking pedestrians the right of way. This I promise. 
  •  Last but not least, you should know that contrary to popular belief, there is in fact a “softer” side to me. It’s not all lugies and middle fingers. I like to cuddle, I like little soft baby kisses on my shoulders and kisses on my forehead, I like my back to be tickled and my hair to be played with , sometimes scary movies give me bad dreams, I like to be told that I smell good and I like when my son tells me I look pretty.
On that note, I’d like to shout out the very few special people in my life who know Angel. You know you’re part of this elite group if I’ve ever: let you see me without makeup, given you echo kisses, cried in front of you, peed in front of you, wrestled with you, asked for your advice, or your opinion. Big ups to my peeps who know me beyond the interweb.

5 comments:

Amber said...

I fucking love this, and I fucking love you and need more of you in my life. Yep.

陳柏毅 said...

If you can not be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.............................................................

Aimee said...

Aw you are a total softy, I know and love it. You love just as deeply and crazily as you curse and that's why you're my girl.

GrittyVelvet said...

Ok triple square what do you mean have the decency to be vague? Angel will never be vague, vague means lacking character & not expressing oneself clearly so therfore the two do not go hand in hand but whatevs, she hooked you in to reading her blog so I'm not even mad at you! Hearts!!!

The General said...

Yeah triple square!! At least have the decency to fuck off! Fuckin dummy! You obviously LOVE my booty, or you wouldnt be all up on it! Pshhh.
ps. Your mom!
pps. GV has my back so wacha!