Dick Inspections

Well, lets just say it's not what you think. Unless you're thinking its a guy named Dick inspecting some shit. Then you'd be correct.
So the dude I work for, his name is Dick... (Well technically its Richard, but he goes by Dick. I know, why on earth would anyone ever do that right? I mean if you're looking for a nickname theres always Richie, Rich, Rick, etc. But Dick..... really?) So i've worked for Dick (giggidy) for over 11 years. The thing about this man is that he has pretty severe OCD. Everything has to be neat and clean and extra organized. Now that may not sound so bad, but i'm talking he will go around with a white glove looking for dust. He carries a level in his pocket to make sure all the pictures in the hallways are straight. He looks for scuffs on every single base board in he office. He hates papers, binders, staplers, coffee cups or any other kind of anything on desks. Its seriously out of control. And he's the president of the company so whattya gonna do.
Anyway, about five years back he started doing these inspections of everyones working areas. And since we all hate them we have dubbed them "Dick Inspections". Apparently we all have the sense of humor of a bunch of middle school kids, cause it's pretty much funny every single time! I mean when you call yourself Dick, you cant expect too much.
So in honor of Dick, and his inspections and our middle school humor. Here's a few funny incidents, involving Dick (giggidy)
  • Instructor was working on her grade book, Dick and I were chatting in his office. Instructor walks in and obviously without thinking, says "Do you have a pencil Dick?"
  • Little boy and his mom waiting in the lobby. Kid is about 5 or so. Dick walks up to the kid and says "Hello young man, whats your name?" Kid says Bobbie or Billie or some shit, then Dick goes "Nice to meet you, I'm Dick" the kid immediately looks at his mom and goes "Mom! he said a bad word" Dick was pretty embarrassed. He told the kid "You can call me Richard"
  • It's Dick's birthday, lady at work walks in with a cake she made for him and says. "I baked a Dick for cake" She obviously meant to say she baked a cake for Dick, but it was way funnier the other way around.
The moral of the story is dont give your kids fucked up names it's not cool. And if you have a fucked up name like Dick, don't do stupid shit like inspecting peoples desks.

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