packin' a mac in the backa the ac

Here it goes. A list, that’s right a fuckin list! Apparently my lists are only legit when blogged. Text lists don’t seem to have the same effect. Today’s list will be a compilation of shit I’ve learned and shit that’s went down in my life over the last week or so. Haha some of ya’ll just got scared huh!

• This week I have discovered I have some of the most legit badass friends on the planet. Bitches that will never ever let me fall, or let me forget that I am one of the baddest motherfucking bitches walking the earth.
• I'm working on making a gangsta bra. You’ll see
• Do not fight for anyone who will not fight equally as hard for you.
• Drunk driving thru the city with 3 automatic weapons and katana swords and a camera is either the worst or most brilliant idea ever!
• When I drink a lot of alcohol I get pretty drunk.
• Coming home at the same time the sun is rising feels fuckin grimey!
• Men will forever and ever use tattoos as a pickup line. Seriously if you’re a man and you’re reading this; please know that none of the tatted bitches I know got them to use as an ice breaker. Knock that shit off!
• Miscommunication is a motherfucker and can and will end a potentially amazing thing.
• If you lie to me, I’ll pretty much always find out. Don’t fucking lie to me. Liars get cut.
• Spilled BBs on a garage floor and stilettos are definitely a fatal situation, on a count of when I find out who spilled them, I’ma fuckin murder them! I nearly broke my face!
• I finally got a new AV cable for my car, I don’t know how I ever lived without it. Music is my hot hot sex.
• Fuckin rehab. Fuck.
• Most white people are really terrible at making chelada.
• I spend entirely too much time on the internet.
• For those of you who don’t already know my mini is simply the most legit kid ever! He tells the best jokes ever.
• My new iPhone may or may not be a secret government tracking device used to spy on me. It’s most likely a conspiracy. I should probably start doing some more interesting shit.
• I’d also like to tell my iPhone that replacing psychic with psycho is not fucking legit! I can assure you I was not trying to say “I'm a total psycho” Stupid spy phone, get your shit together and quit trying to embarrass a bitch!
• I’d like to make it known that if you follow my blog, facebook, or twitter for the soul purpose of biting my shit. You are fucking wack. And FYI we’re on to you! Keep in mind that there is only ONE. Sucker ass bitch!
• You for sure cannot wash a dent off a car. Don’t try it, it doesn’t work.
• When posing for suicide themed photos, its best to ensure whatever music is blaring it does not include crazy loud gunshot sound effects. Fuckin stupid scary shit!
• On a final note, I’d just like to say that if you are one of the few motherfuckers that I have allowed into my world. You need to consider yourself very lucky. The thing about my world, is that it’s kind of exclusive. If I let you in, make sure you prove yourself worthy. Hold me the fuck down, and I guarantee I will do the same. I only have time for the real shit. All I require is honesty, respect, and clarity. I promise you, there is no one else out there like me. Don’t let them bitches fool you, they’re simply knock offs.

1 comment:

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