I wonder if walking in these is considered blasphemy? I'd like to find out.

A few things to add to your knowledge database

1. Don't ever try to replace someone with someone else. It doesn't work.
2. Breaking and entering is not a good look.
3. Old habits die hard, but they do die.
4. Wearing sunglasses in the club is not cool. Stop it.
5. My bodyguards carry hammers and brass knuckles. Watch yo self.
6. When you're sick, sad or blue, lip gloss almost always does the trick. Sometimes nail polish works too.
7. Being drunk feels fucking awful. I'm still confused as to how people are addicted to being drunk.
8. Skinny does not = pretty.
9. Stalking is never a good idea. Especially on the boardwalk.
10. Only about 35% of the people that say they care actually do.
... you're welcome

Let it be known...

I do a whole bunch of shit. I have my hand in a fuck ton of projects at all times. It's 100% true that I over exert myself in so many aspects of my life. First and foremost I'm a mommy. This is my most important job. I couldn't breathe, live, or even exist without my son. He defines me in so many ways.
I have a "day job" like Clark Kent status. I've been there for 12 years, it's easy and I make more money than I probably should.
Then there are my passions. Makeup, it gives me the freedom to express myself thru my artwork. There is something so fulfilling about making a woman feel good about herself or see herself in a different light. I'm not saying that women need makeup to be beautiful. But in my experience it opens the door to self love for a lot of women. Therefore it is one of my true passions, and I will continue to create beauty well into the future.
Whorebath. The original idea of a project like this is much more simple than executing the project itself. It's a long, slow, extremely tedious process. But I refuse to quit. It will be a success, maybe not tomorrow but someday.
Blogging. Let me just say that I originally created this blog as an outlet for myself to write down my thoughts unfiltered and uncensored. It just so happened that there are a lot of people out there that share my opinions and appreciate what I have to say. Bottom line is, I still do it for me. But anyone else is more than welcome to enjoy the ride.
So, let it be known that I don't blog, design clothing, do makeup or partake in another projects for the recognition. I do it because I love it. And hearing that what I'm doing inspires, intrigues, and makes others smile... Well that's just a perk of the game. If no one read my blog, attended my events, or rocked my gear, I'd most likely still do it, all of it. It's not about acceptance and love from others, it's about acceptance and love from myself.
That's all I got morherfuckers.
So Mini just finished up sex ed this week, which as you can guess had led to some seriously hilarious conversations. For example:

Me: "Well what did you learn about, was it gross?"
Mini: "It was SOOO gross! We learned about puberty and sperming in your sleep!... Oh and boners, but thats not what you're supposed to call em."

Because free is the only way to live

Fuck The Police!! This is seriously like one of my fav 3 word combos ever!! Cos the police and the justice system is completely fucked!! No lie! In fact they are currently tryna stick it to my home Concept! But best believe my people don't ever go down without a fight! Unfortunately fighting the justice system costs money. So here's how you can help.... Bring yo ass to Cassleman's Friday night for an amazing show including performances by ATR, BLKHRTS, SP Double, Gods Forgotten and more! Denver's rawest, dirtiest, most grimy performers will be there to rape your eardrums and leave your panties wet! I promise you do not want to miss this show! All proceeds will go to help Concept cover legal fees. Let's keep this motherfucker on the streets where he belongs! I know I personally feel safer when I'm rollin with my ATRmy than any pig could ever keep me! Live a free life, because anything else ain't worth living!
Got my Musiq Soulchild tix! I'm pretty fucking pumped for this show. I just recently got turned on to his shit, and I'm motherfucking glad I did! He is amazing to the 10th power! Can't wait to slow dance like prom night Bwaaahaha not really.
Show is June 30th at City Hall. Cop your tix here so you can come slow dance with me!

Oh, and this is officially my fav joint of his. If I hear this one live guaranteed someones gettin laid!! LMAO
Yeah, it's like that.

"Seein me witchu got em sicker than asbestos. They ain't gotta love it they gotta fuckin respect it"

Best Texts of the week

Here are the winning texts straight from my iPhone for your viewing pleasure. Names will be kept private, on a count of my friends may or may not kill me if I don't.

"You are a rare rose among a shit load of carnations"
"Did you want to watch the earth start to erupt together..... or?"
"Did you get rapied by any strippers yet?" -> "Not yet"
"You just make me laugh foo" "Why! Like I'm funny? Like a clown?" ""Nooo everything u say i picture coming out in ur little voice"
"Don't worry people in Germany are still alive and their like 20 hours ahead of us"
"I got hoes in different area codes"
"Ok here's what you do... you play cool, pretend you love each one the same. Make them talk to each other. Keep your cool"
"Oh man! Have you ever got cum in your eye? It hurts so bad! What do I do? Help Me!!!" "Hahahahahahahaa use a q-tip! Bwaaahahahaha"
"Hi hita. Just wanted u to know that I love u with all my heart!" Are you telling me this cos the world is ending?" "Yes/no"
"You looked so fucking amazing up there last night. It made me proud just to know you. You truly are the most beautiful girl in the world" "Ummm thanks... Who is this?"
"I was just sitting here thinking about how hilarious your gigantic timbs looked sitting next to all my size 5 baby shoes at the bottom of the stairs!"
"I love you Boodra"
"Why do all these motherfuckers gotta be throwin salt in my game?!"
"I love you back Gen and secretly look up to you :)" "I won't tell anyone!"
"My barbers outta town, so I look like a combination of Teen Wolf and a terrorist"

Me and my people are so fucking hilarious! We need a reality show for real!

I know you're hungry. I see you.

I'd just like to take a minute to give a shout out to my clone army! Seriously, shit is out of hand. Be you, don't be me. As much as love to inspire people. There is a huge fucking diff between "inspired by" and "knock off". So since all of you designer impostor motherfuckers refuse to get off my swagg, better put your fucking running shoes on bitches cos my shit is about to be evolving real motherfucking quick. And next time you biting ass hoes think about feasting, remember... I'm that bitch that'll leave you with nothin but the taste of your own blood in your mouth. Ask about me.
"Everytime they talk about what they gon get they be looking at my blog, knife and forking my shit"

Poker in the rear

This is tonight. It will be amazing. Duh.


Seriously what can I say about this that you don't already know? It's going to be one of the hottest shows this year. If you miss it, I feel so fucking sorry for you!
Super duper over this weather. I'm ready for the sun to come out and fuck me in the face.

Also, Missy is a fucking G. Always will be one of my favorites!
Me and mini had a bet that his teacher (who is a complete hater) wouldn't give them any homework this week on a count of they have outdoor ed. I said she wouldn't, and mini said she would. We bet a quarter. So when I dropped him off at school on Monday morning he said I'll text you and let you know who wins the bet. So about 5 minutes later, I get a text:

Mini: "She gave us homework, I win"
Me: "Uggh she's such a fucking hater! I will punch her straight in the nose!"

About 6 hours go by, and he finally texts back.

Mini: "Sorry she saw me texting and took my phone. She is a hater"

Sooooo, what're the chances that she read my text about punching her in the nose? Yeah pretty fucking good... Welcome to my life.

A list. Because that's what I do. That's what I've always done. Don't forget that. This is some shit that I am currently thinking about. That's how I roll.
  • Who the fuck would ever ever smash Arnold Schwarnegger? And gawd help you, if you ever did make this mistake why would you admit it? Yucko!
  • I am so sick and tired of this asshole weather already! There's nothing fly about it. Seriously May, step your fucking game up!
  • I'm pretty much terrible at waiting. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. I've found myself doing a lot of waiting lately. I hate it. Hate it.
  • Slug bug is really a pretty simple fucking game. You're in the car, you see a VW bug, you call it, everyone in the car gets slugged. That's how that shit is suppose to go down. No you don't have to say "no slug backs" or anything stupid like that! That's some shit that was probably made up by someone who kept getting the fuck beat outta them in slug bug! Also if you're in the car with me, you're fucking playing and will get socked! There is no opt out of slug bug.
  • I'm extra thankful for my nephew and nieces. They are without a doubt the 3 most loyal people I know! They are my posse, my roll dawgs my heart.
  • I'm hosting LollipaRUza in a couple of days, and I can't decide if I should be nervous or not. I wasn't nervous last year, and things were just fine. I think this year will be even better.
  • Fucking monkey ball gives me the worst anxiety! Even when I'm just watching someone else play it, I feel like they're really gonna die or something when they fall out. It's ridiculous!
  • There is a huge fucking difference between saying something and doing something. In fact its really not even necessary to say shit if you actually do it. Save yourself some time.
  • Boys hate going shopping with girls. Even if they say they like it, they don't. They're lying.
  • Sometimes from day to to day I forget that theres people that are no longer in my life. Like when Ii see something that only that person would get or think is as funny as I do. But they're not there anymore. Not like they don't exist, they just don't exist in my life anymore. I have mixed feelings on this. Sometimes it makes sad, and sometimes it makes me angry. Mostly sad.
  • I hate when I see people using my words and my humor and my swagg. I feel like they should get their own.
  • Mini is at outdoor ed this week. This makes me incredibly fucking sad. He is growing up, which means I am growing old.
  • I mostly like to live my life day to day during normal hours. Like have dinner after work, and go to bed sometime before 1am. This is not the case lately. I wish it would change. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
  • My snake has lost his damn mind! He will try to eat anyone that walks into the room where he resides. I'm hoping he will learn soon that he is small, and that it is impossible to eat someone thru his glass cage.
  • It is entirely possible to love someone and hate them at the same time.
Starting this "Mini-Isms" funny shit my mini says and does, on a count of it happens all the time! He's hilarious to me. Maybe just cos I made him, or maybe cos he's actually really fucking funny. Either way, you're welcome!

Mini: "I lost my tooth at lunch when I was eating a sugar baby. I didn't know what it was so I spit it out on the concrete. And this teaccher made me get a paper towel to clean my blood off the concrete!  She's one of those earthy planet kinda people. I mean it's concrete why should I have to clean it ya know?"

watchu wanna do?

I wanna roll! So I will, and so should you! This is the fucking place to be on Sunday, come out and sheck all the firme rides and fly hynas! orale! Followed by a Sunday afternoon BBQ and some oldies! This is my ideal Sunday! The weather will be amazing! See you there!

Rock wit me

Blogger fails so hard lately! So FYI I was not sleeping on this! Peep my dudes from Fresh Breath Committee killin this video so hard! Guitar dude goes hard as fuck! These cats are doing big things, pay attention!

"Things will never be the same"

Tell me, what is there left...

If you are confused by my presence in this photo, well.... join the club.  You don't have to understand it, but you should fuckin respect it. I can assure you, it will make sense soon enough. Besides the amazing family photo, the track right here is straight fire! My boys always fucking deliver with the mix up. Pay close attention to the words of this joint and try to make sense of them. Good luck!
"She's an Angel, that's why her mom gave her the name. Like The General to me they're all one in the same."

What a girl wants

So after polling a few of my nearest and dearest, as well as searching my own brain, I've compiled this list of some key qualities that me and my bitches look for in a man. So pay attention gentlemen, because these are straight from the mouths/texts of the baddest themselves.
  • Spontaneity. And no, a booty call does not count as spontaneous. Oh and randomly following a girl or showing up wherever she goes is called stalking. Now you know.
  • Good taste. Whether it be in music, movies, art, fashion, whatever. Good taste is fucking imperative. Oh and according to one of my girls khakis = bad taste.
  • Wicked humor. This is so important to keep any relationship going. Keep a smile on my face and I'm yours forever. When those smiles go away, you should be worried.
  • Manliness. As independent as any female is, I guarantee none of us want to take out our own trash, or pump our own gas. And every girl needs someone there to comfort her when she has a nightmare.
  • Gasoline. As in keeping the fire going. It's never an easy task but is always worth it.
  • Chivalry. Open fucking doors, walk on the street side, Tell her how beautiful she is. All that bullshit that dudes are suppose to do. Yeah it fucking matters.
  • Pride. And no not pride in yourself, pride in your girl. If she's important enough to spend everyday with, then every other important person in your life should know about her. If your not proud of the girl on your arm, you're a pig and you don't deserve her.
  • Clyde. Every Bonnie needs a Clyde. Girls look for a ride or die man who will always have their back, good or bad. If you have the right chick I guarantee she'll do the same for you.
  • The Good Good. You know what it is, you need to put it the fuck down. Give her something she can feel, and will remember, and give her goosebumps. You should also know that almost every single one of my girls that I polled had this near the top of their list.
  • Romance. I've decided that to most men there is a somewhat blurred perception of "dating". Let me clear things up, dating means that sometimes you take your girl on dates like to dinner or the movies or ice cream or whatever other shit she's into. Going to her house to fuck and sleep is not "dating", it's "fucking & sleeping". Keep in mind that a lot of dates do lead to "fucking and sleeping", but girls like the date part too. Romance also includes surprises and shit like that.
So with those important items out of the way, I now give you the top 4 things a girl needs from a man. Dudes, do not fucking take this lightly. These are motherfucking requirements!
  1. RESPECT - If you have a girl that you truly love, give her the respect that she deserves. Disrespect is a deal breaker. Respect her and her decisions and do it every day. Yes.
  2. HONESTY - Do not fucking lie!!!! 99% of the time we know you're fucking lying and we're just testing you. Quit with the lies, seriously quit it.
  3. LOYALTY - Once you've made a conscious decision to be with a woman, there should be no one else. If you feel the need to fuck with other females, you shouldn't have a girl. As innocent as you have convinced yourself it is, if you have to hide it or lie about it, it's not ok. Before you make these decisions, think about what you have to lose, and ask yourself if it's really worth it. A quote that I love: "I want someone who only sees me." ~MT
  4. A LOVE SUPREME - If you love her don't hold back, go all in. Tell her and show her and make her feel it from her toes to her soul, thru the palms of her hands until your love is her love. Be a better person for her. Cherish the fact that in this whole world full of people, you found her. And make it amazing every single fucking day.
I got some interesting responses from my girls when I asked what they look for. A few of my favorite quotes on the subject:
"A big dick, wicked humor, and a love supreme..... no khakis either"
"Gimme all your fuckin money!!!.... Just kidding"
"To always be wanted by someone you love so much"
"I'm a motherfucking queen and should be treated as such. If you ain't with it, then move the fuck on."
I heart Mariah before she went crazy and got fat. Just sayin.

Weekend Wrap up

This last weekend was a rather interesting one... yeah we'll go with interesting. Super random for sure. It left me completely fucking dead to say the very least! A few highlights in no particular order:
  • Just because you're in full hair and makeup doesn't mean someones gonna take you out.
  • I missed Too Short, this makes me sad, probably because I'm old school.
  • Making girls into pin-up dolls is my job, like I get paid to do it, I love my fucking job.
  • BLKHRTS photo shoots go hard! There were sketchy staircases, dinner tables, people sweating on each other, billiard antics, broken ping pong tables. All within 30 minutes on a count of I was late.
  • I heart boxing, it's not dead. I love Sugar Shane and I'm sorry he got womped.
  • Getting locked in an Acura is not as glamorous as it sounds. Thank goodness for big houses!
  • Lady Wu will murder your face, and then they'll leave you standing there all dead face while The Pirate Signal rapes your mind. Then they'll let you go home.
  • There's a big difference between a "concert" and a "show" either way, if you step on my shoes and/or put your butt on or near me I can assure you, you're begging to get punched.
  • Best fucking detour of your life! 
  • Little tiny body builders with eye patches, who krump in the window at themselves. Need I say more?
  • 3 hours of sleep is not nearly enough.
  • Running a 5k on 3 hours of sleep and a protein shake is possible. Not recommended, but possible.
  • Mom says wearing a motherfucker shirt on mothers day is a bad idea. I disagree.
  • You should always give a compliment before you ask for something. This is the logic of my nephew.
And although there were many, I narrowed it down to two winning quotes from this weekend.
Mom: "We call her Vicki, but her real name is Gina."
Vicki: "Ummm my name is TINA!"

Mini: "I finally found out what camel toe means!!! It's when you wear socks with flip flops!"

He makes gold.

I know I'm a wee bit late on this one. Apologies. So, the genius behind my favorite mixtape of all time (Never Trust Robots) has done it again. DJ Amen blessed us with his newest mixtape this week Bright Lights Big City. It's kind of like yin to the Robots mix yang. It's way more mellow, like on some Sunday evening glass of wine shit. It kind of makes me want to sit back, put my feet up, smoke a blunt, and focus on being a pimp. Either that, or make out with someone for like 45 minutes. Either way it's a fucking win! Download it. Bump it. Love it. Word.
This is tomorrow. You will need to be here. I will be. Carry on.