Mini: They made me Junior Counselor at camp!
Me: That's dope! How did you get that job?
Mini: It's because I'm so good looking I guess.
Me: They don't give people positions of power because they are good looking son.
Mini: Well how did you get your fancy job?
Me: Excuse me!! Maybe because I worked hard and am really good at what I do!
Mini: No.... I'm sure it's just because you're pretty mom.

..... I'm still unsure whether or not I should be offended by this. Either way, my kid is hilarious, and incredibly good looking. We all know where he got those qualities.

#screenshots

I got this message on facebook last night. I don't even know who this broad is. She's old and apparently a grandmother or some shit. I guess she e-stalks my life. Whatever, this is fucking hilarious to me. Oh and for those of you who don't know the deal.... I pretty much do and say whatever I want. I heart curse words in any way shape or form they come. For those of you who are offended by my language art, allow me to remind you of two things:
1. Words don't own us.
2. I don't give a motherfuck what the fuck you think of me you fucking fuck.

Oh and here's a lil something special for my e-stalker and all my other critics. One of my all time favorite joints ever!
"Nasty bitches around the world, I wrote this rhyme for you. You might not like my rap, but I'm tellin you bitch it's true."

on blast


So yeah, if you hadn't heard already.... I'm officially reppin the Box State for the Blasted Ink Girls!! I'm super excited. They do a lot of non profit and other good shit for the community. So word up for this new life adventure. I'm pumped to see where it takes me! Be sure to visit BlastedInkGirls.com and look for me under "Meet The Girls" and also in the "Gallery" section. You should also go "like" the Blasted Ink Fan Page.
Oh and as always, thanks to all my peeps for your continued support of all the ish I attempt to succeed at! Ya'll mean the motherfucking world to me!! Pow!

click click boom

Another amazing event poppin off this weekend is your monthly installment of Paparazzi For The People! This one's more special on a count of we'll be celebrating the life of some of my favorite people!! This event kills every single month!! Don't fucking miss it! Oh and stay tuned for August's edition of PFTP it's also going to melt your face!! Promise!

a few of my favorite things...

There are so many reasons to take your face to this event tonight!!
1. Pancakes!!! -  I mean if you don't like pancakes I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you.
2. Booze - Again another amazing offering of the event. We all like booze, in moderation. Ha.
3. Art - Everyone likes art, I don't care who you are. We may not all like the same art, be we all like art nonetheless.
Oh yeah and 4.... MY FUCKING FACE!!! - The amazing painting of my face by Mier will be featured at this very event!! So if pancakes, booze, art and my face aren't enough to get you here.... well then fuck you. Lucid Gallery, 8-2 Word.
Oh, PS. Here's a peek at the amazing painting. You love it.

I'm not bossy, my ideas are just better than yours.


Because I like telling people what to do so much, I decided to put it in list form. Duh. And yes, I am the boss of you. So I broke the should and should not list down into one list for the chicks and one for the dicks. Please be advised that these are mere guidelines, and by guidelines I mean my opinion, and by my opinion I mean you pretty much should fucking do what I say.

CHICKS:
Should: Respect other females. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, it's black and white.
Should Not: Take off your heels and walk around in public. Seriously I don't care how fucking bad your feet hurt, or how hammered you are. This is not a good look... ever.
Should: Own a push up bra. Nuff said.
Should Not: Holler at dudes with girlfriends and/or wifeys. It's not ok, not ever. That's some shit that'll get you cut.
Should: Shave it and/or wax it. Either way keep it hairless.
Should Not: Copy another females steez. It's seriously so fucking pathetic, and I guarantee you whoever you're biting off of, sees what you're doing and is laughing at you.
Should: Go commando sometimes. Panties are fun too, but commando is where it's at. Trust me.
Should Not: Waste your time on someone who does not deserve slash appreciate you.
Should: Put a little twist in your hips cos he's watching. He loves it... ask Tupac.
Should Not: Chew your nails. It's fucking disgusting.
Should: Make amends. Even if it's against your better judgement.
Should Not: Have eyebrows that damn near cover your forehead. I don't give a motherfuck what Cosmo, Allure or Glamour says, that shit is not fucking cute!! And no, just because you comb them neatly does not make it ok. Buy yourself a pair of tweezers and handle your fucking biz!
Should: Be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Not vise versa.
Should Not: Hold on to the past. Don't do it. Let go.

DICKS:
Should: Pull your motherfucking pants up over your ass. I promise you sagging is not fucking attractive.
Should Not: Leave your girl unattended with your cell phone. Especially if you've been lying to her. Which most of you usually are.
Should: Handle man business, like taking out the trash and putting gas in the tank and shit like that. Handle it.
Should Not: Cheat. Duh. If you have any desire at all to talk to slash fuck with females other than your shorty, do both of you the favor and just end it.
Should: Love your mama, like super hard all the time. There's something sexy about a boy who loves his mama.
Should Not: Punch your girl while she's sleeping. It's mean.
Should: Be humble. Huge egos are not where it's at. Having a big head will not make everyone love you, in fact it will do the exact opposite. Humble = sexy.
Should Not: Be jealous, it pushes people away. If she's with you, she's with you for a reason. Don't ruin it with jealousy.
Should: Take care of your fucking kids! (if you have em)
Should Not: Let one single day go by without telling your girl shes the most amazing ever. For those who don't have a girl, look for one who makes you feel this way. Word.
Should: Smell good. Do whatever it takes. Nothing sexier than a man who smells good.

Obviously my list for chicks is a bit longer on a count of I am a chick. Like I said this is just the way I think shit should go down. But if you find yourself doing or not doing something that I've suggested.... you should really think about that shit cos I'm usually right. Either way... you're welcome.
party over here fuck you over there.

Ambitious Girl.

My ambition is at an all time high. I'm on takeover status. Stay the motherfuck outta my way. Thanks

"Your drive drives me crazy."

duh

This bitch is awesome and I love her. I don't give a fuck what you think. Word.
#justplaythisloudandfuckem

This One's for you......

As if I’ve never made it clear enough, I motherfucking hate the police! I think they are the definition of corrupt! Anyone who uses their power of authority to abuse and harass people is fucking scum in my book. Growing up, in school and shit the whole “Police are our friends” bullshit was always pushed super hard. I learned the truth pretty quickly on that one. I suppose to some people in some walks of life the Police are in fact their friends. But in my life experience, me and my people are not included in that group. Example: Me, Mini and an old friend of mine (we’ll call her “Wonder Bread”) were driving in my car. Keep in mind, “Wonder Bread” is straight out the burbs, and has little to no police interaction in her life. So Mini says “Everybody be cool, there’s a popo” (Yeah, my kid says shit like that, welcome to my world). Lemme tell you, the look on my friend’s face was pretty fucking priceless. She was so shocked and confused as to a) How my kid spotted the cop from so far away. b) Why he was warning us of police presence. She said something to the effect of “We’re not even doing anything wrong.” To which I replied “It doesn’t matter.” That experience was a sort of reality check. No, not everyone experiences police corruption…. Must be nice.
It’s a sad world, when you have to raise your children to be cautious of those who we pay to “serve and protect” us. Don’t get it twisted, I have and will continue to raise my son to respect the law and to respect authority. I will not however shelter him from reality or the truth.
That being said, I'm super honored to be a part of the homie Mane Rok’s latest project “This One’s”. The project focuses on the issue of police brutality and injustice. The video premiere will be held this Friday at Casselman’s Bar and Venue. I can assure you, it will be one of the most powerful things you’ve seen. This week leading up to the video premiere, Mane is releasing a series of 6 remixes of the track. Today I have the distinct pleasure of premiering one of those remixes exclusively! This version by Dyalekt featuring Theem One, is one of the grittier mixes of the set, which is why Mane chose The General’s Booty to debut it.

In the words of Mane himself, here’s exactly how this mix was born:
“DDDDDDDDDDIAMOND BOIZZZZZZ!!!! This is the chant. This is what made me believe.
What made me see something in the fellas from the Diamond Boiz crew. Dyalekt aka JClass, Producer/MC/Graphics Designer for the Diamond Boiz was the first of the initial list of folks I asked to remix the song to get me his version. That's just how he works. When he says it's gonna be done...it will be asap. When he sent me the instrumental, I laid out the plans on how I was doing a series of remixes, and feeling a bit disappointed that there'd be others, he said "Screw it, Imma record my own verse to it as well." After getting the Qknox remix instrumental (which can be found over at www.popularlemonade.com today as well) and linking with Jericho Son of None for that one, it spurred me to return to the original format of the song, which featured my one time partner in rhyme Theem One. I told Dyalekt..."Don't record a verse for your remix. I'm going to have my old band mate spit his original verse for it."
In all the time I had worked with Theem previously, to me, this was his best work ever.
Not because it was a song with me (we had tons of those,) but because his verse was so sincere and thought out. I remember hearing and studying Theem's patterns and being blown away every time I heard it. Theem's whole steez...his "swag" with rhyming at that time was a huge inspiration to my own work. This had to be the way to go. Dyalekt was in....and then, tragedy struck.
An old friend, Pablo aka Insane had passed away. I was getting Facebook messages from friends from the old crew. A benefit was being put together for Insane. Theem would be on the bill as well to play. This was the opportunity to talk to him after years of not. Time came...we talked...Theem was in.”
-Mane Rok
So without further ado: "That's the sound of the beast"






You can cop the other mixes at:
The Reverb-Denver Post: RIPower Kolor Grey remix
West Denver Cop Watch: Strange Powers Electro Remix
Scarlet Smoke: 800 The Jewell Ft. Myrical Child Remix
Popular Lemonade: Qknox Ft. Jericho Son Of None
And the final mix drops tomorrow at: http://www.westword.com/



Also remember to be present at the video premiere this Saturday. You can even catch some of my amazing special FX skills, and Mini’s lighting skills featured in the video. Act like you know. Thanks.

Might as well be a dragon...


These things are currently cracking me up:
  • Halloween in July. My mini loves Halloween and will do anything to make it happen!
  • The weather. This shit is fucking bananas! I literally have lake front property and it ain't nothin nice!
  • Friend requests. There has seriously been some hilariously outrageous friend requests happening lately. Do these dumb fucks honestly think they're going to get accepted? Keep it movin please and thanks.
  • Password selections. My work computer took a dump, so the IT dude needed my password to get into it and fix it. Obviously I never anticipated having to share it. Duh. So he's like "What's your password?" and I'm like "Really?", and he's like "Yeah" so I'm like "Ok, well it's 'FuckYou'"..... He's like ...."That's creative" and I'm like "fuck you". Maybe I should re-think my office password selections in the future, but I don't really care that much.
  • #whorebathconfessions. Dude, if you only knew the kinda shit my friends send me! Maybe I'll blog them all one day. That shit would blow your mind!
  • Bitches. Now ya'll know bitches are funny as a motherfucker. I've encountered a few in the last week or so. Remember ladies, no matter what you got there's always some triflin bitch out there trying to get her disgusting little hands on it. (side note: I will cut a bitches hands clean off)
  • Gumby thumbs. The two words together are hilarity. Trust me.
  • Sarcasm. It's neeeeeever funny!
PS. Something that is not funny... Police brutality. Be sure to check back in tomorrow for some real shit. Yeah.

grammar is sexy

Dear everyone, please learn to spell.  Unless you're texting "you" and "your" should be spelled out. "Dat" does not equal "that" and "da" does not equal "the". Oh and dollar signs are not the same thing as the letter S.  I can assure you that I am no fucking spelling bee champ, but I promise if I spell something wrong it is super duper unintentional. And yes, we all use our fair share of made up words like "biznatch" and "bestie". I'm just saying please be smart enough to know the difference between "are" and "our".
Also, using appropriate punctuation is a legit idea too. 


PS. You should also be eagerly anticipating Thursday's Booty, on a count of there will be some super delicious, exclusive goodness for you and your ears. You're welcome.

screen shots

because it's funny to me....

face time

Wanted to take a quick second to shout out a couple of amazing artists! Apparently my face is inspiring, which is dope! Two of the city's most talented chose my mugg to grace their canvases. I am seriously so motherfucking humbled it's ridiculous.
Alba Valerdi is a fucking bad ass with the charcoal and pastels. The detail in her artwork is unfuckingbelieveable! This drawing she did of me is seriously breathtaking! I wanted to pee when I saw it! Don't be jealous, you too can have a Valerdi original. Her amazing custom artwork can be commissioned. Holler at her.
Thank you Alba! Your hands are pure fucking gold!
Mier has a back round in tattoos, which he fucking murders the shit out of! Dudes color portrait tatts are like nothing you've ever seen! And lucky for me, he fucks with the brushes a bit too! He painted this amazing piece for an upcoming art show. His art pretty much speaks for itself. You can fuck with his art too! Whether you need a good inking, or something to hang over your fireplace, hit him up, you won't be sorry.
Thank you so much Mier, your talent is untouchable!
Also an extra special shout out to my boo Iman Woods, for the amazing imagery! I can assure you I do not look this good just laying around in bed.
Things I do when I can't sleep:
  • Watch TV. Mostly infomercials on a count of that's pretty much all that's on. I kinda like infomercials, they're so super convincing. By the end of the 30 minute time slot I'm absolutely convinced that I cannot live without whatever they're selling. #sucker
  • Facebook it. Which I can assure you is super boring at this hour because everyone else is asleep.
  • Worry about "haunting hour". Dumb. Shout to the assholes that put this one in my head. I cant even get a drink from 3am-4am cos I'm all scared!
  • Paint my nails. I usually end up re-painting them the following day. Sleepy manicures are shitty manicures.
  • Think. This one is the worst. This is not something you wanna do at 3am when no one's around. I come up with all kinda fuck brain ideas.
It's times like these that I wish I smoked weed.

screen shots

love this...
and this...

Don't forget Monday is FREE MUTHAFUCKIN SLURPEE DAY!!!! All 7-11 locations are giving away free slurpees all day long in celebration of their birthday! The only thing better than a slurpee is a free slurpee... duh. Ok, I'll be honest I prefer icees over slurpees, but I also prefer free over not free. Oh and not to piss on the free slurpee parade, but the free slurpees are only 7.11oz sized, which I suppose has potential to give you a mini brain freeze. So I guess if you go to a whole bunch of 7-11's and get a baby slurpee at each one, they'll eventually add up to a regular sized brain freeze.
So yay for free baby slurpees, now to find me slurpee date..... watcha!

a slit wrist leaves a mess

A list. Fuck you. And your mom. I don't care.
- I wish I could get knuckle tattoos in real life. I hate working in corporate America, and I wish I didn't have to cover all of my amazing ink!
- Leukemia is a complete asshole if leukemia were a person I'd punch it so hard in the face, like with all my might.
- Pillow tops are currently at the top of my favorite things list. If I ever get to meet the person who invented pillow tops I'll totally kiss them right inside the mouth.
- Cutting all of your hair off feels stupendous. You should do it..... depending on what you look like.
- I fail so hard at having groceries in my house. I'm going to work on this.
- Protect yo heart, and yo neck.
- Planking is awesome and hilarious. I don't care what anyone says. I can assure you no one is planking because they're racist. That's just dumb.
- Being tan makes me feel better. If that's shallow then so be it.
- I drink one large iced coffee per day. It's become a problem. I've embraced it.
- I wore yoga pants and a beater to work today. Mostly cos I don't really give a fuck. I put on a cardigan to fool people into thinking I'm dressed up. It worked. "The Man" -0, The Gen -1
- Next week's booty will blow your mind.

That's all I got for now. Fuck off.