#screenshots

fuck owff

list time motherfuckers.
  • I'm convinced that every white, windowless van on the road has a dead body in the back. If I was a murderer (which I'm totally not) I would never put my bodies in a white windowless van. That shit like screams "pull me over I'm such a murderer slash raper slash kidnapper!" I'd put my bodies in some sorta pimp ass SUV, cos it still says "I'm super bad ass and could possibly be a murder, but I obviously have a bunch of class". That's exactly how that shit would go down.
  • I heart the price of gold.
  • I should have degree in procrastination. That should totally be a real thing. I would get an A so hard in procrastination class.
  • Middle school girls are slutty. I don’t remember being that slutty when I was in middle school. Well at least not till like the end of middle school.
  • Am I the only one who doesn’t really give a fuck about Beyonce’s baby? Seriously who cares.
  • I cry every single time I watch The Notebook. I’ve seen it 18 times. It’s a great fucking move. “Say I'm a bird.”
  • On a scale of 1-10 my British accent is like a 9.5. It’s so life-like on a count of I watch mad Harry Potter movies.
  • Zozobra is next week, we’re gonna burn him so much! He’s gonna be all “ahhhhhhh nooooo don’t burn be bro!!!” And we’re gonna be all “fuck you Zozobra we don’t even care!” It’s gonna be the best.

Real friends

El Jefe

I'd just like to take a minute to give an extra special Birthday shout out to one of my favorite cholos ever! This dude is like the Chicano Fonzy, cooler than anyone I know. I asked mini if he had to describe him using one word, what would it be.... Mini said "hero".
Happy birthday Rob!! Thanks for making us part of your familia, and being an amazing role model for my son and all the other little vatos out there! Salute!

Come to my birthday party tomorrow. All kinds of dope people will be there. It'll be amazing, Duh.
"I'm in this bitch like my dick hard"

Baby you're gonna be a star!

Recently had the opportunity to give the Colorado Everyday Show hosts a vintage makeover for a segment they did on the amazing photography of Iman Woods! It was a super fun and humbling experience for sure. peep game bro.
  
  
Here is the actual segment that aired.

This is tonight. Bring your motherfucking faces. Word.

I'll help....

So as pretty much everyone knows by now, I have a birthday coming up. If you didn't know, fuck you you're stupid. In an effort to assist my friends and lovers with gift selection I'm gonna post some shit that I wouldn't mind all wrapped up and under my birthday tree. You're welcome.
For today's selection, we have the Disney Couture Jewelry. Now I'm not big on the wholesomeness of Disney, but their couture jewelry line is pretty ill. Especially the Pirate shit.
Side Note: I was talking to someone the other day and they straight up told me that I was a pirate. On a
count of my wardrobe, tattoos, and language I guess. Whatever, I'll take that. I've been called worse, 
and I think pirates are kinda bad ass in theory.  Oh and not to mention I got the pirate booty on lock!  
So anyway, here's a few of my picks from the line. Buyer tip: if you get me a ring I have extra small baby digits so get the smallest size offered.Thanks

         Pirates Bracelet $42          Pirate Sugar Necklace $36         Shark Jaw Ring $32             Black Apple Ring $28
And last but ceartinly most desired....
Pirates Sugar Skull Ring $24
I will post more birthday suggestions for you as I come across them. Also allow me to remind you that kisses are free and I super love recieving those. Thanks
While driving thru Commerce City, my son and I had one of the most random conversations ever. I wish I knew the thought process that produced this one.

Mini: Have you seen The Lincoln Lawyer?
Me: No
Mini: Did you fart?
Me: No
Mini: You're nobody till somebody shoots you.

I pee sitting down.

I pee sitting down, you should too, unless you're a boy.
Over the past 5 weeks or so, I've been incredibly perplexed by the goings on in the ladies bathroom here at work. I have walked into a stall on numerous occasions to find the lid to the toilet seat up. Similar to the way the boys in my house leave it post piss. Now, seeing as though I'm in the LADIES room, you can understand my confusion. Ladies pee sitting down. Now, I'm not a complete idiot, I know that when the toilets are cleaned sometimes the seats are all left up. Which I have seen when using the bathroom first thing in the morning. I have confirmed that our cleaning service does not clean the toilets midway thru the day. (yes I fucking confirmed it, because I am trying to get to the bottom of this mystery)
So the way I see it, there is a man of some kind infiltrating the 4th floor ladies room. I'm guessing it's maybe a man dressed like a woman, on a count of I don't think a man dressed like a man would just waltz into the ladies room and piss mid-day, but who knows motherfuckers are strange.
So if it is a man/man using the ladies toilets, please take your penis and bad manners next door to the men's room. If it is a man disguised as a lady, they should know that to properly pull off this deceitful charade, it would be in your best interest to sit down when you pee on a count of forward facing feet will always raise suspicion. If you cannot manage the tuck & pee, then please use your fucking lady manners and put the toilet seat down. This has been a public service announcement.
You're welcome.

JAWSOME

For those that love Shark Week as much as I do. Enjoy bro.






Who can you trust?

So yeah, you've heard me say that DJ Amen/LARD's Never Trust Robots is thee illest mixtape in my collection. In fact I featured it way back when it was released, as well as all of his Field Day Radio joints (which can all be found in the booty archives). So I think we're clear that I'm not just jumping on the blog bandwagon with this one. BTW shout out to the "bloggers" who post stuff they don't know shit about tryna act like they do. SMH 
Amen is an amazing DJ and a good friend of mine. When he told me a while back that he was working on NTR2, I was fucking ecstatic!! His mixes are so appealing to me on a count of I'm not a hardcore hip-hop head. He hits you with joints that are out of the ordinary and from a variety of genres. The transitions are like fucking butter unlike most mixes being released lately.
Do yourself a favor and download this shit. You can view the full track list over at The 4th Door. I've had it on loop for a few days now, and I still can't get enough! Shit is fucking fire. You're welcome.