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• I'm seriously addicted to these vicks vapor inhalers. I bought one for my son when he was sick. It’s no lie like the best thing ever! They must put some sort of addictive chemicals in it to get suckers like me all strung out on the shit. Well played Vicks, well played.

• Because I have been asked the question more than a few times this week…. No, I am not dead. I am totally still alive. I apologize if you were misinformed. And for those of you who were hoping I was dead… sorry. Oh and fuck you.

• Every time I see a cop car I swear I feel like I’m in trouble. 78% of the time I'm not doing anything illegal at all, but I still feel like I'm on the verge of getting thrown in the clink. Which would be awful, because I really hate bologna sandwiches and I can’t braid hair.

• Speaking of the clink… Jails these days are apparently really tech saavy! Who woulda thought right? Jail visits are dove via video monitors. And inmates now have “accounts” on which you can go online and add money into for your favorite criminal! What the fuck right? Throwing some money on your homies books has a whole new process! And I dig it!

• Chances are if I know you, I'm gonna give you a nick name slash call u whatever I think u should be called. This is usually because (a) I can’t remember your name. (b) Your name is stupid. (c) I really love you and it’s a term of endearment. (d) I strongly believe your name should be something else and I refuse to conform. My son brought his new puppy home on Friday the 13th, therefore I strongly believed the puppy should be named Jason. My son named him Oso instead. I called him Jason for about the first 3 months until my son got really mad about it and the poor dog was all confused. But because I refuse to conform I decided to call him OG Oso Cinco rather than just Oso. This is his new name.

• I fucking HATE when people call me Ange (aye-n-gee). This is not my fucking name. My name is not so extraordinarily long that it needs to be shortened. The only people that get away with this misconduct are my mom and my aunt Frances…. Oh and sometimes Ebony.

• It disappoints me when I find a song that I love and the radio gets a hold of it and ruins it by over playing it. The only exception to this rule is Dance Ass and Rack City cos these songs make for the illest car dance parties. So I pretty much never get tired of hearing them slash dancing to them. I am fully aware that they are terrible songs. I don’t care.

• Don’t leave me voicemails. Chances are incredibly high that I will never listen to it. A text however, I will reply to.

• This week has been hell. I'm so glad it’s over. In fact, I wish it had never happened at all. Yeah, I’d be ok with that.

• I’ve learned that sometimes I'm too clever for my own good. Sometimes my stellar cleverness leads me to information that I probably don’t want to know and/or see. Even though I know it’s better to have complete knowledge of a situation, I sometimes wish I was blissfully ignorant. I'm sure it would hurt much less. Being incredibly clever seems to be a bit of a curse.

• Either sticking to your guns is really really hard, or I'm really really terrible at it. Either way I wish my guns and/or self were stickier.

• If you’re going to compare someone you know to a character in history, you should do your research on said character before doing so. For example, we all know Jeffery Dahmer was incredibly intelligent. But rather that saying “You’re like Jeffery Dahmer” you should say “You’re incredibly intelligent”. Because that person will most likely think you’re calling them a murderer slash cannibal slash psychopath. To avoid this confusion, it’s best to just say what you mean and leave the comparisons out.

• It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these lists. It feels good. Happy Friday lovers, get it the fuck in!

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